


Good Omens Analysis and Feelings

by chaoticlivi



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Analysis, Character Analysis, Commentary, Gen, M/M, Meta, Meta Essay, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2020-10-17 12:43:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 39,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticlivi/pseuds/chaoticlivi
Summary: Mini essays, analysis, opinion bits, reflections on characterization, and other assorted thoughts about Good Omens as I try to understand this complex, beautiful work of love. The chapters that I personally like best, and would stand by the most, are marked with an asterisk (*). Almost everything so far is analysis of the TV show versions of the characters.





	1. Initial thoughts and impressions, summer 2019

**Author's Note:**

> This is chapter 1, and not generally what I'd consider my most insightful work - but it does have a considerable amount of nostalgic value, since it's impressions from my very first watch-through!

**June 30**

I think one of the appealing things about Good Omens, and one of the reasons people are so attracted to Aziraphale and Crowley (_aside _from the fact that they embody 2500 tropes fandom loves), is that you sort of get to watch these two Inhuman Beings become more relatable to…us.

Oh sure, Aziraphale and Crowley are still somewhat distanced from what you’d call “most people”. They’ve lived for over 6000 years and spent most of them doing their jobs by reasoning away the fact that humans just do all sorts of weird and terrible things to each other and human lives weren’t made to last. Although they both can and certainly do empathize with people, they have this wacky cosmic big-picture view that makes their perspectives kind of hard to understand at times.

Still - especially as the plot progresses and Armageddon really starts to take shape - these characters become pieces of Heaven and Hell that actually care about Earth and people just because human society is enjoyable to be around. Not because Earth is going to fulfill a part of some Plan. Not because Earth is a battleground. Not because Earth is an experiment. Not because Earth and its societies are great all the time (they both have a good many problems with how things run on Earth).

But just because, overall, there’s nowhere else like human society. To read a story about Aziraphale and/or Crowley is to read about beings who have such an enormous amount of power and probably could get involved with some pretty awesome stuff on a cosmic scale if they worked at it and still chose **us**. In a time of mass communication and easy access to bad news, when many people (myself included) have doubts about whether human beings are worth the trouble at all, there is a great deal of comfort in reading a story about characters who _do_ recognize the faults in us, who likely don’t expect us to change very much…and eventually chose us anyway.

* * *

**July 8**

By saying “time to leave the garden”, Crowley is not only reprising his role as the Serpent, but also setting himself and Aziraphale up to parallel Adam and Eve.

The first angel and the first demon to choose what humanity has, rather than what Heaven and Hell have.

They have the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

* * *

**July 10**

> ## “Did you go to Alpha Centauri?”

Aziraphale knew **FULL WELL** that Crowley didn’t go to Alpha Centauri because Aziraphale JUST PURPOSEFULLY CHOSE TO GO TO EARTH based on the SMALL MODEL OF EARTH that he used to teleport himself to Earth. Therefore, if he’s in contact with Crowley, it has to be somewhere on Earth.

No, asking about whether Crowley had left Earth was a tacit question about their relationship: “Are you still willing to help me?”

Aziraphale already knows the answer to the literal question about Alpha Centauri. But asking the question anyway gives Crowley an out, a chance to say “yeah I’m gone,” even if his response would be more metaphorically honest than literally honest. Or it gives Crowley a chance to sidestep it, “sorry, can’t talk right now.”

Of course, Crowley doesn’t do that.

* * *

**July 14**

The thing is

The thing IS

When he lied over the phone

And at the bandstand

Aziraphale didn’t “choose heaven over the earth and crowley”, not really. He wholeheartedly believed that Heaven was going to Make It All Better if he just reasoned with the right people.

This decision was contingent, though, on Heaven **doing what Aziraphale wanted.** The INSTANT he realized he wasn’t going to persuade Heaven, he IMMEDIATELY changed course. “Siding” with Heaven wasn’t really “siding” with Heaven - it was a strategic decision.

It was a shitty strategic decision based in a lot of things that need serious unpacking. But the end goal was never Make Heaven Win. The end goal was always just Keep The World Turning.

Aziraphale tends to “break up” with Crowley not only when he thinks it’s in his own best interest, but when he thinks it’s in Crowley’s best interest as well. (When Crowley is trying to get him to do something he doesn’t think is in his own best interest, Aziraphale just keeps saying “no” and eating crepes until crowley comes up with the right argument.) In this situation, Aziraphale genuinely thinks preserving the status quo is what’s best for everyone. It’s not explicitly stated but I am pretty sure that Aziraphale assumes he’s being helpful to not only humanity but also Crowley personally by appealing to Heaven to stop the war.

Aziraphale is a hypocrite, and hedonistic to the point of distracting from things that matter, and willfully ignorant because it’s painful to imagine that everything you believe is a lie, and he’s a liar. But he’s a shitty liar because he fucking hates lying, and his sense of responsibility, and commitment to the “greater good”, is actually very genuine. So is his affection for Crowley - and I think Aziraphale ties Crowley’s well-being very closely to humanity’s. And because of this, Aziraphale will regularly make these sort of duty-bound decisions that hurt both himself and Crowley if he judges (correctly or not) that it will be better _for Crowley_ in the long run.

(It probably doesn’t NEED to be said, but this is exclusively about miniseries!Aziraphale. As far as i’m concerned, book!Aziraphale is a different character with the same roots.)

* * *

**July 17**

Hmmm for me personally, it appears that Crowley and Aziraphale’s story IS the story of humanity. The two got intertwined for the miniseries. That way, we can still have a narrative about how wonderful human thought is, about challenging authority, while giving meaning to the character arcs of angels and demons.

“It starts, as it will end, with a garden. And an apple.” refers directly and obviously to Adam’s closing scene, wherein he’s clearly reenacting the Garden of Eden. However, it’s also very clear to me that Aziraphale and Crowley are reenacting the Garden of Eden at the end of the story, too - with Crowley’s comments about how “it’s time to leave the garden” and “can I tempt you to lunch” and Aziraphale’s “temptation accomplished” and the new knowledge of good and evil that they have finally crystallized. Far be it from me to tell people what to talk about but from my 2 AM perspective here on this couch there is no real reason to argue about which character arc the Eden analogy applies to better, because they’re all meant to connect in the same place.

This is because Aziraphale and Crowley, though they may be 6000 years behind, are going on the same journey that humanity is on. And becoming more human in the process. Like I said, I think Heaven and Hell are meant to be outgrown.

Crowley says the “big one”, the next big conflict, is going to be Heaven and Hell vs. humans. Why? Because Heaven and Hell will not be _needed_ any longer. Because humans are going to become too complex for that, and too resistant to meddling from ethereal or occult forces. We already have a lot of narration about how humans are more evil than hell and more graceful than heaven, so they really don’t need prodding one way or another. Humans will just Do Their Things. Heaven and Hell will be powerless.

Crowley and Aziraphale’s ending is a happy one because they get their way, yes. They get to enjoy the things they love about Earth. And they get to keep each other’s company. But it’s also happy because they’re six thousand steps ahead of all the other angels and demons. They’re out here creating their own meanings, like the humans do. And they will still have those meanings when the humans outgrow Heaven and Hell.

* * *

**July 18 (response to ilarual)**

It’s kind of interesting that in the end, when Aziraphale is really reaching his limit for how much bullshit he’ll allow Heaven but is still hoping they’ll do the right thing, he _uses Crowley’s reasoning to argue that this is why there shouldn’t be any destruction of Earth_.

“I’ve actually been giving this a lot of thought. The whole choosing sides thing. What I think is, there obviously has to be two sides. That’s the whole point. So that people can make choices. That’s what being human means. Choices! But that’s for _them_. Our job, as angels, should be to keep all this working, so _they_ can _make _choices.”

Crediting Crowley specifically with making humans what we are. Nice. Poetic. Accurate. Would you have said that 6000 years ago, angel?

* * *

**July 28 (response to forineffablereasons)**

Aziraphale _knows better_ than to suggest it straightforwardly, but deep down, he’s been hoping at _least_ since Adam was born that Crowley would come back to Heaven’s side. When he told Crowley in St. James’ Park, “Our side WILL win. It’s all going to be rather lovely.” I think that was their typical banter, yes, and Aziraphale repeating Heaven’s party line because he has to convince himself, but it’s also much more. I think it’s kind of a warning, and Aziraphale is kind of fantasizing that Crowley might consider coming back to Heaven if he “knows” that fighting Heaven will be futile.

Of course, Aziraphale doesn’t believe that himself. But it takes him realizing that Heaven is cruel and separated from any real notion of grace or justice or compassion before he’s willing to take the risk of challenging them - for both his own and Crowley’s sakes.

* * *

**August 4**

Look how neat everything is!

Adam gave Aziraphale his bookshop back…but he also tidied up. And made it brighter. And added some more books that suit Adam’s own taste.

I think Aziraphale will have it suitably repellent to customers in no time, but it’s cool to see that there’s a notable difference BECAUSE the burning of the bookshop and its recreation by Adam represent a rebirth of Aziraphale’s place on Earth!

* * *

**August 6**

Aziraphale spends so much time worrying about the fate of the world that it’s easy to forget his main struggle and point of growth is not in fact Saving The World (that’s the humans’ job) but Escaping Heaven.

“To the _world_” is indeed about the whole world of humans. And about Crowley. And the fact that Earth is their shared space. But it is also, equally importantly, about **_not_** Heaven (or Hell). It’s exclusionary in a good way. The very last dialogue of the series is Aziraphale’s final, spoken declaration of loyalty.

It’s an extremely delicate and lovely way of saying “Congratulations to everyone EXCEPT those assholes, you know the ones”.

* * *

**August 7**

St. James's Park, 1862.

Crowley: Look, I've been thinking. What if it all goes wrong? We've got a lot in common, you and me...

Aziraphale: We may both have started out as angels, but YOU are fallen.

St. James's Park, The Bandstand, Present Day

Aziraphale: May you be forgiven!

Crowley: I won't be forgiven. Not ever. That's part of a demon's job description. Unforgivable. That's what I am.

Aziraphale: You were an angel once.

Crowley: That was a long time ago.

To elaborate, over the past century and a half, Aziraphale’s defenses have been broken down. A lot. He no longer sees Crowley in such simple terms. The lines have been blurred between the two of them, and he knows they do, in fact, have a lot in common.

But that “sides” thing. That’s the sticky part. Aziraphale hasn’t thought his way out of that box yet.

So instead of doing what Crowley does, assuming that they can simply choose who they are and establish their own side if they please, Aziraphale tries to assimilate Crowley back to his side. That fails immediately, because while humanity has definitely rubbed off on both Aziraphale and Crowley, Crowley is a light-year ahead of Aziraphale’s ability to imagine and create.

I think “you go too fast for me” is about a lot of things, but one of them is Crowley’s imagination - because when you’ve been told for your entire life that there are only two sides, you really do need to be a bit creative and out-of-the-box to say “hang on, but what if that just…ISN’T the case?” And Aziraphale is not there yet. He’s getting there. He needs time. Like, geological time.

In 1862, Aziraphale is not ready to admit that he could possibly have any interest in The Other Side. This relationship is purely for practical purposes! It doesn’t matter how eager he was to run off and meet Crowley - he’s an angel, he’s doing his job, it’s pragmatism, and it’s going to serve the Greater Good.

In 1943, Aziraphale realizes that he has been Forgiven by a demon, and between the two sides…well. That’s not how it’s supposed to go. There is something deep and dangerous to his entire worldview here, but he’s terribly attracted to it. So attracted that he’s standing in the middle of a bombed-out church with a pair of burning wings on the statue in the background.

In 1967, Aziraphale reneges on his opinion from 1862. Not the opinion that Crowley shouldn’t have holy water because it could directly hurt Crowley, or that it’s dangerous for Aziraphale - those things are still true and Aziraphale says as much. However, he’s clearly accepted that things are complicated. He won’t be ready to admit that there could even be more than two Sides for another half a century, but he is willing to do something that acknowledges that the two Sides are not as simple and clear as he used to think they are. He is willing to offer help to a being who he definitely believes is capable of friendship, even if that being is nominally on the opposite Side. And he is willing to admit that Crowley matters personally to him, aside from any business with the Sides or the War or Good or Evil.

So now in the present day, Aziraphale is still assuming that there are just two sides, and states himself that he and Crowley have something in common - in my opinion, Aziraphale is implying that Crowley could even come to Heaven’s side. Meanwhile, Crowley is having absolutely none of that, and wants Aziraphale to accept that neither side is good and they should just do what they want.

This is existentially threatening for Aziraphale, though, who is stuck on this belief that he is on the side of Good, that what he’s doing is Right because it’s part of a plan so wonderfully holy it can’t be put into words. So he reverts back to “we’re on opposite sides” with a vengeance.

Aziraphale will finally, finally think outside the box only when he fully realizes that he’s not even in the box he thought he was in.


	2. Pride and Prejudice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts about work and play and pride and prejudice and good and evil.

Aziraphale wants his relationship with Crowley to be social time, a personal relationship separate from work. He’s quite open to Crowley when they’re not talking about work - in other words, when they’re playing their humansonas. See the difference between Rome, when they are partying and Aziraphale remembers Crowley’s new name and approaches him gleefully, and Wessex, when they are both at work, in roles that cast them at odds, and Aziraphale momentarily returns to using Crowley’s old name and approaches him with anxiety.

Crowley DOES want it to be a personal relationship, but he uses Arrangements surrounding work as a way to forge the connection. Crowley didn’t want to compartmentalize because Crowley sees Aziraphale for who he really is and wants to be. In general, he thinks the compartmentalized structure of Heaven, Hell, and Earth is stupid, and most importantly, he sees that it’s holding both himself and Aziraphale back.

Aziraphale wanted to compartmentalize because compartmentalizing would mean he wouldn’t have to give up what he thought was an important part of himself – that part being “goodness”. This notion that he is on the side of “good” and Crowley is on the side of “bad” is, of course, Aziraphale’s prejudice, and his discomfort with examining it is his pride.

Meanwhile, Crowley views that incompatibility as an essential part of who he is – Crowley has been rejected for no good reason and refuses to accept “forgiveness” from the forces who threw him away. He wears Heaven’s rejection like a badge of honor. This is his own pride, and it is probably the healthiest way to deal with Falling, really. But from Aziraphale’s entirely messed-up perspective, this is its own kind of rejection. As far as Aziraphale was concerned at the time, Heaven was a part of Aziraphale and Crowley would do literally anything but accept that. Crowley would rather dump everything they’ve ever known and run off to an alien land millions of lightyears away than consider rejoining the Host for Aziraphale’s sake.

I really do not think it’s an accident or convenient coincidence that the bandstand scene echoed the cinematography of _Pride and Prejudice_. While the whole novel doesn’t map onto _Good Omens_, the notions of pride and prejudice as things that stand in the way of love and understanding absolutely do. It’s not just an aesthetic, it’s not just a cheeky nod to regency romance, it’s not just service for observant fans. It’s thematically embedded in the story.

What changed Aziraphale’s mind was the realization that by giving up Heaven, he wasn’t really giving up the part of himself that he valued. He wasn’t giving up any sort of meaningful “goodness”. He finally overcame his prejudice upon discovering that it was based in a complete fabrication.

And both of them got past their pride in less-guarded moments when they came to empathize with each other – the scene in the café hits me as the major moment for this, when Aziraphale says “I’m afraid I rather made a mess of things” and Crowley has to break it to Aziraphale that the bookshop he thought of as his “place” on Earth is all gone.

Funnily enough, I think he and Crowley both escaped with pride intact, a more modern kind of pride with a good connotation. Aziraphale especially had to reframe himself, but in the end, both of them got to be the people they wanted to be. And they wouldn’t have chosen anything else for themselves (except perhaps a world where their bosses are good people who get along and don’t cause wars in the first place, but this is beyond their control).

Aziraphale and Crowley both ask each other to change. But in the end, because Crowley’s judgement has been right all along, it’s Aziraphale who changes.

“Good” and “Evil” wrestle. “Evil” triumphs. Only they’re not _really _“Good” and “Evil,” and they’re not _just_ “wrestling”.


	3. *Like the Horseshoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The burning "Sound of Music" program in the bookshop parallels the burning horseshoe outside of Anathema's cottage, because that they both show token objects burning as a sign that certain entities of Heaven and Hell are becoming less Heavenly and Hellish. I wrote it using the script book format.

* * *

**INT. AZIRAPHALE’S BOOKSHOP, BACK ROOM - DAY**

_Aziraphale has just VANISHED in front of Shadwell. The light goes out in the circle. There’s nothing left but the flickering candles…_

**GOD (V.O.)**

There had been a _Sound of Music_ theater program underneath one of the many cluttered benches in Aziraphale’s bookshop for decades. It reminded Aziraphale of Heaven’s grace, or so he believed.

* * *

**INT. HEAVEN - ETERNAL DAY**

**QUARTERMASTER ANGEL**

“…And then you turn up, late for Armageddon, no flaming sword, not even a body, you pathetic excuse for an angel…!”

**AZIRAPHALE**

“I suppose I am, really. I mean…I have no intention of fighting in any war.”

* * *

**INT. AZIRAPHALE’S BOOKSHOP, BACK ROOM - DAY**

**SHADWELL**

“Hello? Hello?”

_He lowers his right hand with its pointing finger, as if it’s just shot someone. A beat and he panics, and runs, slamming the door HARD behind him._

_The slam of the door makes a burning candle fall over. It rolls a few feet before arriving at a pile of paper clutter. The first title we can see clearly reads THE SOUND OF MUSIC. Flames engulf the corner of the page._

**GOD (V.O.)**

The candle set fire to the program and a little bit more of Heaven burned away.


	4. Early Asylum Considerations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a scene in Episode 2 where Aziraphale and Crowley appear to have two discussions at the same time in the car.

Aziraphale:

And then we find the child.

(silence.)

Crowley, meaningfully:

And then what?

(pause.)

I suppose - get off the road, you clown - your people wouldn't consider giving me asylum?

Aziraphale:

I was going to ask you the same thing..._watch out for that pedestrian!_

* * *

ok ok ok thoughts because this is so EARLY in the story and on the surface it seemed like it shouldn’t be a discussion they’re having in the open yet

so i’m a bit like hmm. crowley asks for “asylum” here, but then later down the line when aziraphale implies that he wants crowley to rejoin heaven, the answer is a big No. and aziraphale! at this point he doesn’t really WANT to do heaven’s orders, but he’s so vehemently anti-hell and still obsessed with being a Good Angel it seems weird to me that he would be openly discussing taking asylum with them.

i guess one answer is that they’re both thinking about last resorts - “what if all our efforts fail and the war does actually happen. will i have to fight? am i going to have to fight _you?_”.

but also, i think there’s a bit of relationship prodding here? like, crowley’s implying that once they find the antichrist, they’re going to have to kill him. trying to convince aziraphale to do it. when aziraphale doesn’t bite, he reminds aziraphale of the stakes. ok dude, if it comes down to it, are you going to vouch for me with your bosses? (we don’t get a straight answer right now, but it’s obviously yes, since a day or two down the line he’ll be implying that he wants crowley to try to come back to heaven.) or are you going to fight me? is it acceptable to you that refusing to kill this pseudo-human boy might lead to my death?

aziraphale tosses the ball back in crowley’s court. on the surface it looks like a couple of things, one being that he’s deflecting and the other being that he’s just asking if crowley would reciprocate, but i think he is making an implication about crowley’s “side” here, too. we know what he and crowley both think of hell. why would you believe hell would give anyone asylum for any reason? it’s literally a place of torture. 

in doing this, i think aziraphale is trying to imply that he doesn’t HAVE any other options and is asking for patience. he can’t ask for clemency from his enemy because his enemy is actual hell. (crowley probably can’t rely on clemency from heaven either, but at this point, aziraphale likely believes heaven could be persuaded to offer mercy, since at this point in the story he also still thinks heaven would just cancel the war if they could.) failing to thwart armageddon would not be a risk-free event for aziraphale either - in fact, the stakes are very high. he thinks his opinion ought to have the upper hand here as the one with, ostensibly, fewer options.

ah, but he knows that war isn’t the ONLY option if they fail at stopping armageddon. what about killing the antichrist to thwart the war? that would ensure that there wouldn’t be a showdown at all.

if the secondary conversation about pedestrians (which i’ll talk about momentarily) is any indication, the answer is that aziraphale still thinks there might be another way, that the antichrist might not have to die. …or at least, that he and crowley wouldn’t have to be the ones to make it happen.

i’m getting something about their moral attitudes from what they’re saying about the humans in the road. crowley feels like this armageddon nonsense shouldn’t be happening at all, that if the antichrist is going to pose these problems for the world, then he’s going to have to be eliminated for the greater good. in other words, he should Just Get Off The Road. aziraphale feels like the situation requires finesse and he wants them to be cautious about the way they handle it. “watch out, watch out.” “you can’t go ninety miles per hour in central london.”

of course, these are their theoretical quandaries…note that when it comes right down to it, crowley does not ACTUALLY want to do any killing, and aziraphale is in fact willing to do said killing under duress when it seems like the true last resort. neither of them is inherently an extremist at heart. but both are preoccupied with extremes because of their circumstances.

at the end of the story aziraphale does in fact try to kill the antichrist for crowley (not only in a symbolic sense, but quite literally, since crowley’s the one who tells him to hurry up and do it). i DO think aziraphale is resentful that the idea is being brought up before he thinks he’s exhausted all other options, though. crowley’s going too fast again.


	5. The Horsepersons and Crowley and Aziraphale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even pretending I wasn't excited to notice this. Note that this related to the "Quite Nice and Fairly Accurate Scriptbook", not the actual show, since some of the scenes were moved around in the actual show.

these scenes do not line up this way in the actual show, but there’s a pattern to the Four Horsemen’s introductions in the scriptbook. they seem to parallel things that are going on with Crowley and Aziraphale.

  * right after Aziraphale and Crowley’s first meeting about Armageddon, when Crowley has painstakingly been asking Aziraphale to join forces and Aziraphale keeps saying no because they’re On Opposite Sides, we get the introductory scene for War, who, you know, starts a war.
  * right after Aziraphale and Crowley finish their meal at the Ritz, we get the introductory scene for Famine, who has been cheerfully spreading malnutrition in fancy restaurants.
  * right when Aziraphale and Crowley get to the bookshop for a bottle or ten of booze, we get Pollution’s introduction, who has just caused a massive oil spill in the ocean. we’re briefly reminded that the Antichrist has been on Earth for 24 hours, but then we’re back to the bookshop, where Crowley and Aziraphale are having their drunken conversation about sea life and decide it’s time to sober up.

i feel like there should be a connection to Death’s appearance too:

  * after we see the deaths of all the people caused by the other horsemen, we’re finally introduced to Death, who is always working, always waiting. at the same time, Warlock’s family is leaving the hospital. it is now that Crowley finally convinces Aziraphale to work together by framing Aziraphale’s participation as “thwarting” rather than working together. Aziraphale is quite happy about being “godfathers”.

NO NO WAIT HOLY FUCK

In each of these scenes, Aziraphale and Crowley DO THE OPPOSITE OF THE HORSEPEOPLE

War’s introduction? Sure, we’re On Opposite Sides, but we can still have some lunch together…

Famine? Who’s that? My meal was SCRUMPTIOUS

Pollution? Hey worrying about the seas turning to blood is stressing me out, I’m going to cleanse the alcohol (a known poison) out of my own blood

Death…may be inevitable. But it can wait. Let’s agree to stave it off a little longer for the rest of the world. This new child, the so-called Antichrist, will become a human, not a new agent of death (and this follows much later down the line when Adam’s Horseperson parallel is obviously Death and Adam is a sort of human Rebirth).

The horsepeople are INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS and Crowley and Aziraphale have also just made an INDEPENDENT CONTRACT AGAINST THEM

!!!!!


	6. *Earth is the place

The way things are with Heaven and Hell right now, Earth is the only place where Crowley and Aziraphale can really coexist as they want to for good reason.

it’s not only because of all the comforts of Earth, fine dining and concerts and bookshops and wine (although having these things to do certainly is what Crowley and Aziraphale have bonded over). It’s because Crowley loves Aziraphale but refuses (rightfully!) to submit to Heaven, so they can’t be together in Heaven; and because Aziraphale loves Crowley, but won’t abandon the “greater good” (as he found out the hard way, Heaven is NOT actually the greater good).

But you know, Crowley’s refusal to grovel in front of Heaven or any Side is really one of the things that Aziraphale loves about him. And Aziraphale’s compassion for humans is one of the things that Crowley loves about _him_. painful though it is to negotiate differences when you frankly suck at communicating, if either of them had given up - if Crowley had gone begging for “forgiveness” from Heaven, or Aziraphale had let himself be whisked off to Alpha Centauri - they’d have lost things that they value, both in themselves and in each other.

I'd love to believe that someday Heaven and Hell will be no more, at least not as they currently are. But right now, Earth is the place.


	7. i don't think my side would like that

aziraphale’s** “I don’t think my side would like that.”**

it’s a habit, yes. a comfort zone. it’s also a _**warning.**_

it’s **“Don’t go unscrewing the cap.”**

and crowley’s “You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us does. We’re on our own side.”

it’s a gentle reminder, yes.

it’s also “I **know** where you want to go. I’ll take you there.”

it’s “Don’t ask me to leave you alone under a flickering halo again.”

* * *

Ok but the “I don’t think my side would like that” exchange as a follow-up to a number of conversational threads that crowley and aziraphale have left hanging throughout the series

stay with me for a moment

during the scene in the cafe, crowley says “i lost my best friend” BEFORE he told aziraphale his bookshop burned down. aziraphale did not know there had been a fire. **aziraphale did not yet have a reason to think crowley was mourning his death.**

when aziraphale had phoned crowley right before getting discorporated, crowley did answer by saying he can’t talk, he has an ‘old friend’ there. anyway i’ve seen people much more thorough than i explore this but the bottom line is, aziraphale has good reason to believe that **he** is not the reason crowley didn’t go to alpha centauri. and he has good reason to think crowley was saying he had a different best friend, and that therefore aziraphale is not his best friend.

if we want to be super thorough about it, it’s not the only option, because crowley’s reply was connected directly to the question “did you go to alpha centauri?”, and going to alpha centauri WAS all about the two of them together, and it would be sort of strange to suggest running away together with someone who is not actually your best friend while leaving your actual best friend on earth. which is, as far as aziraphale is concerned, what would have happened if crowley had a different friend and then asked aziraphale to run away with him. it wouldn’t be entirely unreasonable for aziraphale to conclude that crowley WAS upset about his rejection, and decided that he and aziraphale were not friends anymore. therefore, he “lost his best friend”. not to death, but to lousy communication.

anyway. my point is. my point is. **no matter the details of what aziraphale’s thinking, all the possible thought processes come back to “crowley is all i have left, but there is some kind of rift here.”** this is not to say he thinks they aren’t friends at all. the threat “do something or i’ll never talk to you again” indicated that he believed crowley cared, although i also think it was an _extremely literal_ statement about how they’re all about to die if something isn’t done.

so then. after armageddidn’t, they’re sitting on the bench, and aziraphale brings up the bus bringing him back to his bookshop. he’s holding a charred piece of agnes nutter’s book in his hands. i doubt he completely forgot what crowley said about his bookshop being gone. i think aziraphale was kind of in a very soft way asking crowley where he could go, if he could stay with him while they get their shit together about the prophecy. he and crowley have been tight for a long time now but…now he has to ask, because, you know, maybe the last few days changed things. maybe he hurt crowley too much to assume that crowley wants him hanging around his apartment. maybe that offer from 1967 no longer stands.

and when crowley says yes, aziraphale needs reassurance. because this is an awfully big leap to take. his whole identity has just been uprooted. he needs to prod…are we sure? is this really something i can count on? i may have turned my back on heaven but i’m still me, you know. is that something you want?

and if so, “my side” won’t like that. i’ll be getting myself in even deeper. and it will have repercussions for you, too.

if we do this, you’re unscrewing the cap.

and crowley, who has LONG hated both sides, reminds aziraphale they’re both already fucked. there is no damage controlling this. the only way they’re going to handle this is together.

and aziraphale follows, choosing to sit at crowley’s side.


	8. I don't think you can do the wrong thing

**“You’re an angel. I don’t think you _can_ do the wrong thing.”**

**“Oh. Thank you. It’s been bothering me.”**

This is banter, and an example of Aziraphale not always exactly picking up on sarcasm, but it’s also absolutely key to the entire story. As far as he’s concerned, as long as he’s an angel, which requires Heaven’s approval, Aziraphale is protected from being Wrong, i.e. Bad. He’s Good by default. And he wants so badly to be Good.

This is why he is so obsessive about delineating himself from Crowley, from demons, because as long as he’s an angel, he can do exactly whatever he wants and still be Good. Heck, he can even break the rules, as long as he still has approval from Heaven! His fragile sense of self-worth comes from Heaven, not from within. For a lot of his story, “being Good” and “having Heaven’s approval” are confounded.

The problem is…the one thing Aziraphale wants the most is the one thing that angels are strictly forbidden from. Heaven wouldn’t ever approve of his love for a demon, or the demon’s love for him, which would make him a Bad Angel, and therefore these things themselves must be Bad.

Far beyond that, even if he decided that Goodness didn’t matter to him anymore, then he’d still be putting Crowley in danger. He’d be giving up the part of his own identity he cares about the most in order to be with someone who might just get wiped off the planet as soon as they really come together. And imagine how well and truly alone (and _worthless_, as far as he’s concerned) he’d be then. This isn’t even _touching_ the guilt involved in endangering a friend, which is its own intense pain and would be enough on its own to dissuade a relationship (but the point I’m making here is specifically about Aziraphale’s most self-centered motivations).

Crowley does, for excellent reasons, drop reminders that Aziraphale isn’t supposed to thank him or acknowledge favors because it will be dangerous. If someone dear to you has been implying for the whole time you’ve known them that you’re not supposed to be too affectionate because it’s dangerous and then one day they turn around and say “oh, I changed my mind, let’s be dangerous now,” would that not scare you a bit?

There is also a definite assumption on Aziraphale’s part that Goodness means “better for everyone” or should at least involve some measure of like…justice or compassion. This is what he says at the very beginning, while arguing about whether to stop Armageddon at all – “but once we win, life will be better for everyone” (I forget whether this is in the series proper, but it is definitely in the scriptbook). And later, when talking to the Metatron – “We can _save everyone_!” Finding out at the end that there is no higher authority looking out for Everyone – i.e. looking out for Crowley – he decides, oh. “Goodness” is not what I thought it was.

**“I like to think none of this would have worked out if you weren’t, at heart, just a little bit, a good person.”**

I mean yes, it’s cheeky, it’s banter, it sounds like an understatement, and Aziraphale knows he’s pushing Crowley’s buttons, and he also probably knows that if he tries to get too effusive about it Crowley will just get all theatrical about denying it.

It also indicates that Aziraphale still believes Goodness is an inherent trait of sorts, and _wants_ to believe that you’ll be rewarded for being Good. However, a demon could have it - anyone could. Goodness, he’s finally, FINALLY figured out, is not a trait inherent to Heaven…and this fact is not upsetting or destabilizing like it would once have been. In fact, he _likes to think it_. Aziraphale’s relishing this new nuance.

And the series ends the way it began, the piano forming Aziraphale’s wing over Crowley, lamps forming halos over both of their heads, the two of them gazing at the world - except this time, Aziraphale is leaning his whole body in, and they’re looking at each other instead of outward.


	9. Forgiveability

Aziraphale isn’t _merely_ brainwashed. He’s also driven by a desperate need to be Right, to be Good, but he wants, maybe even needs (in the beginning), to be _given_ those traits. Aziraphale doesn’t want to judge good and evil; he wants a higher authority who will tell him what’s true. He wants somewhere to turn so that he can definitively say, “Yes, this is the Truth, and we are serving it.” Even though Heaven is absolutely insufferable personality-wise, it’s the source of his identity, so Aziraphale will give anything to maintain his trust in its inherent goodness.

Well, _almost_ anything.

He won’t give up Crowley. And it’s not Crowley’s company that he won’t give up – it’s Crowley’s life.

Among other things, Aziraphale’s “May you be forgiven”/You were an angel once” implication that Crowley could return to Heaven is a plea to please, please let him continue believing in the goodness of Heaven so that he doesn’t have an existential crisis. Here we’ll see that Aziraphale would give up Earth and all its comforts if Crowley would just come with him. Like, he doesn’t _want_ to, but he _would_.

Crowley’s “I’m unforgivable” is a reminder that if Aziraphale can’t give up Heaven, he is automatically siding against Crowley – because the forgiveness, the re-acceptance, of a demon would run counter to everything that Heaven is. They would never take him back, that’s absurd. It would be an existential threat to Heaven. Demons are meant to be scapegoats.

Aziraphale’s “I forgive you” is an attempt at saying, “No, it’s easy – look, I’m an angel and I’m forgiving you right now! It can be done! If you really want to be with me then just let me do it!” It’s also a bit of “Please accept me. I need to believe in this.” And Crowley’s annoyance at that is “Come ON. That’s not fair. That’s not giving your whole self, like I’ve done for you.” (And he has – Crowley is in irreparable trouble with Hell at this point.)

But…it’s not _up_ to Aziraphale, he thinks, to just give his whole self to Crowley, even though he wants to. Aziraphale does, after all, still have a tiny shred of faith in Heaven (mostly because he _needs_ to). It’s not faith in Gabriel or Sandalphon or Michael or Uriel, but faith that there is a Plan, and Somebody up there is Good, which means the Plan will be Good. After all, if there is a Forgivable demon on this planet, how can saving the world not be _the_ Ineffable Plan? And if the Ineffable Plan is as good as he _has_ to believe it _must_ be, then it would be wrong to everyone – Crowley included – not to serve it.

How can Aziraphale tear that belief out of himself, the notion that he can be inherently good simply by choosing Heaven and if he just serves like he’s supposed to _everything will be okay again_? He can’t willingly give up that belief. It would leave him without an identity. There would be no Self left to give. So he has to try. He has to push it all the way to the top.

And when Aziraphale is slammed with the cold hard truth that he’s misplaced his Self this whole entire time, that the shred of faith that Heaven knows justice was just a wishful fabrication, that serving Heaven will _not_ in fact Make Everything Okay Again…suddenly it’s not at all hard to swan dive back to Earth and go wild reuniting with his demon.

Crowley and Aziraphale were in the middle of a huge fight at the time he made his appeal to the Metatron. In fact, Crowley had delivered a whopper of an insult by saying he was going to leave the planet and never think of Aziraphale again! We all know this was the farthest thing from the truth, but Aziraphale sure looked like he took it seriously. So when Aziraphale was appealing to the Metatron to “save everyone” and chose to go against Heaven when he realized he was never going to get his way, he could hope, but not be certain, that stopping Armageddon might restore their relationship. He was doing one of the most selfless things he does in the series – deciding that Crowley’s continued existence, as a friend or not, mattered more than Aziraphale’s very identity (and possibly his whole existence although I don’t think he necessarily had time to parse that out until later).


	10. On blood and clean hands

It is so difficult – and unreasonably fascinating – to analyze a character who only says what he really means about 10% of the time. I’m still working on it. Aziraphale is so dense. Textually. Perhaps in other ways, too, but I’m thinking text here.

So what’s the point of asking Heaven to take out the Antichrist, which was the original plan as we can see by the nervous scene where Aziraphale is practicing his pitch to Gabriel, and then asking Crowley to destroy the Antichrist so Heaven “won’t have blood on its hands”?

And what’s the point of Aziraphale saying he doesn’t want to take out the Antichrist, asking Crowley to take out the Antichrist, and then keeping the Antichrist’s location a secret even when Crowley refuses to do it? Like, chances are even if Aziraphale came out with the truth, Crowley wouldn’t do anything, and even if he took out the Antichrist without Aziraphale, wouldn’t that be doing exactly what Aziraphale wants him to do?

And the answer is no. Because Aziraphale bursts out with what the scriptbook narration calls The Truth: “We are on opposite sides!” The real purpose of this is not to say “I won’t cooperate with an enemy.” The real point is that if Crowley doesn’t take out the Antichrist with Heaven in mind, he can’t attempt to switch sides – he’s just going against his own side, which is, as we’ve established, dangerous.

Aziraphale is at this point not sure they can avert Armageddon, and is feeling the pressure of time. He doesn’t want to tell Crowley where the Antichrist is unless Crowley will come to Heaven. He’s partly using the Antichrist’s location as a bargaining chip, hoping that even if Heaven won’t do anything about the end of the world, at least if Crowley will either come to Heaven begging forgiveness or destroy the Antichrist in Heaven’s name, Crowley can argue that he’s on Heaven’s side now, rather than being simply an unprotected lone actor against Hell.

It isn’t guaranteed success. And as the reader knows, Aziraphale may be overestimating Heaven’s willingness to cooperate. But from the current perspective, where this is all about Sides in a war, it’s a more hopeful notion than telling Crowley where the Antichrist is and risk having him try to do something about it all on his lonesome.

The stakes are raised when Crowley comes to Aziraphale only a short while later and says that Hell knows he botched the Antichrist situation – now Crowley is directly at risk from his own side, the thing Aziraphale had been trying to avoid at the bandstand. Aziraphale’s stakes are raised, too: he’s been told twice now that Heaven doesn’t want to avoid a war. So now, from Crowley’s perspective, things are even more hopeless, and they really, really, really need to leave immediately – but from Aziraphale’s perspective, this is all the better reason to ask God directly for help, and all the better reason for Crowley to come to Heaven’s side. However ruthless, cold, and frankly insufferable Heaven can be, they have the power to protect him from Hell. This is why Aziraphale spits forgiveness at Crowley – he wants it to make Crowley feel like he can ask for it from the rest of Heaven.

Of course, this is an awful misreading of what Crowley is giving up, or is willing to give up.

So why not just run away?

Just as Crowley isn’t willing to go crawling (heh) back to Heaven because he already knows it’s not a place of inherent goodness, Aziraphale isn’t willing to give it up until he knows it isn’t a place of inherent goodness. He needs the chance to ask. And judging from his despair at the Metatron’s response, I think that despite everything he’s seen over the years, the hope that God might actually help them was not in fact performative – I think it was real, and it hurt when it was dashed, and the light leaving Aziraphale’s eyes in that moment was a piece of him burning away, as would happen to the bookshop in short order.

* * *

After I wrote this I was like, oh but come ON, if this interpretation has any truth to it, then this is that thing they do in fiction where the communication is intentionally bad to create drama. Why can’t Aziraphale just say “here’s what I’m thinking, please let me try it”? Why couch it behind all this condescending Heaven business? Is it because Aziraphale is too proud? Really?

But then I realized…if Aziraphale tells Crowley directly that he wants Crowley to side with Heaven, it’s treason on Aziraphale’s part.

You can’t invite a demon back to Heaven. I mean, you’re not even supposed to talk to one! They’d destroy the two of you. Turn you into a puddle and a pile of ashes, respectively.

BUT. If you were arguing with your hereditary enemy, and you said some insulting things, and some condescending things, and some God-fearing things, and the demon just…had a revelation, regained his faith. Well then, that would be okay, wouldn’t it? You’re following the rules, and your foe was dazzled by your heavenly grace. (Or he just picked up what you were laying down. But Heaven can’t know that.) That would just be the Lord working in mysterious ways. That would be the return of the prodigal son, wouldn’t it? And if the demon were to prove his change of heart by Thwarting his own side’s plans for Armageddon, how could they say no?

(They always will. But we can’t embrace that yet. We have to try.)

After the Arrangement is in place, very nearly **everything** Aziraphale says is blanketed in a thick layer of plausible deniability. It’s probably easier to count the scenes without it than with it, frankly.


	11. We can't give up now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In response to a gifset of Crowley saying "Right. That was that. It was nice knowing you," believing that everything is over because Satan is coming to Earth, and Aziraphale responding, "We can't give up now."

Aziraphale has for the whole story been about faith, a very traditional kind of faith that believes in Ineffable Plans and sitting back and letting God take the wheel. the whole time Aziraphale won’t give the fuck up on heaven. and okay, he’s FINALLY given up on heaven.

but he still hasn’t given up hope! if hope is the sincere belief that things might work out for the best, faith is a belief in the force (or person) that will work them out.

and - this is crucial - by saying they can’t give up, he’s asking Crowley to put his faith in _something_ right now.

in a way, he was kind of asking Crowley to put faith in heaven earlier in the story, during the time he was trying to engineer a side-switch for Crowley, or hoping God was going to decide She made a mistake, or whatever. but Crowley always had an answer Aziraphale couldn’t argue with because heaven is awful.

this time, Aziraphale is definitely not asking Crowley to have faith in heaven.

has Aziraphale separated God from heaven and decided he still has faith in God? possibly, in the grand scheme of things, given that he still believes there may be a Plan of some sort that nobody knows about, but She is definitely not what this moment is about. he doesn’t mention Her, not now and not after Crowley stops time.

we know this is a different faith because this moment is very different from other moments that have involved faith in God. in the past, Aziraphale was always standing idly by assuming what was going on was part of the Ineffable Plan and he wasn’t going to - wasn’t even _allowed_ to! - interfere because the hand of God was going to reach out of the sky and arrange things as they’re meant to be.

that’s over.

“come up with something!” this is Aziraphale insisting on _taking action_. but hell if he knows what to do - he clearly doesn’t. no ideas. the next line we get is the infamous “or…or I’m never going to talk to you again!”

broadly, this is Aziraphale putting faith in _Crowley_. specifically, it’s Aziraphale putting faith in Crowley’s care for him, faith that no matter how little hope Crowley has, the reminder that he _does_ have Something to lose - and that Something _is Aziraphale_ \- will spur his brilliant imagination into a solution.

so then. who does _Crowley_ turn to for a solution?

it’s Adam.

the moment Crowley stops time, he includes Adam. Aziraphale didn’t ask him to do that, and Adam didn’t ask to be included. Crowley just knows that Adam is going to be the solution to this. Crowley doesn’t even know what to tell Adam, really - he just steals a few seconds in which he can ask Adam to please figure it out.

at this point, Aziraphale knows exactly where Crowley is going with this and follows Crowley’s lead, and he also puts his own faith in Adam to come up with a solution. “And whatever happens…for good or for evil, we’re beside you.”

the whole damned world seems upside down - we’ve got angels putting their faith in demons and demons putting their faith (which they aren’t even supposed to have!) in humans (in children!).

but, see, this is for the best. it’s not really upside down at all, or perhaps it is but upside down is the better way. because the human children choose love, free will, and the future. they inherently understand things that heaven and hell have never even dreamed of.

i think the choice to stick around and try to help avert Armageddon is a lot of things, an act of love first and foremost, but also a bit of penitence on Aziraphale’s part. he’s just discovered that he’s spent six thousand years faithfully (um…in name, anyway) serving a system that has absolutely no benefit whatsoever to Earth and is meant in fact to spell the end of days. the whole time he managed to convince himself into believing it was the right thing to do, but now he has to face the reality that it wasn’t. six thousand years of cold, empty devotion, looking over his shoulder and biting his tongue, denying friendship. for _the wrong thing_. to fuel the first fear he ever had.

he and Crowley probably COULD have found some way to fuck off to Alpha Centauri if all they wanted to do was get away, but they stayed with Earth. you could argue that they only care about staying for the luxuries and culture, fine wine and music, but at the time they get involved with the whole debacle at the airbase, Aziraphale can’t even know that he’s going to have a body (it’s discorporated) or a home (it’s burned) on Earth anymore.

it’s all come full circle. those thousands of years ago, Aziraphale and Crowley contributed to making humanity who they are, knowledgeable and dual-natured and fierce and loving all at once. and now, well. God might have _made_ angels and their Fallen counterparts, but humanity has made Crowley and Aziraphale _who they are_. once they found faith in themselves and each other, they found faith in humanity, and that’s what saved them from Armageddon. that is what they refused to give up on.

* * *

Okay waitwaitwaitwaitwait I’m not dONE this is what I get for writing meta at 1 AM and posting in a rush from my phone the next day!

So “We can’t give up now” is neatly, tightly framed by “It was nice knowing you” and “It isn’t about Armageddon. This is personal.” and of course Aziraphale’s own next line is the Do Something Or I’m Never Going To Talk To You Again line.

they’ve done it. well, Adam’s done it, but Crowley and Aziraphale were _accessories_. Armageddon has been thwarted and now their personal relationship has barreled headlong, openly, unsecretly, into their work lives.

like 90% of everything Aziraphale says, then, there are two meanings to “we can’t give up now”. one is the stuff I discussed in the long response above; you can’t remove humanity from the equation.

however, the other meaning which is maybe so obvious I didn’t even think to include it is that Crowley and Aziraphale are both here because of their _personal relationship_, because they wanted to be here _together_, and that is SO CLOSE to happening, and fuck, Aziraphale is so done with trying to get around it! he’s finally ready to do some problem-solving!

he has no idea how to solve this problem! but by Go- er, by Someone, it’s going to get solved!

the very next time we follow up with the two of them, they’re sitting on the bench in Tadfield waiting for the bus. and they have [this](https://ineffable-endearments.tumblr.com/post/187168535399/aziraphales-i-dont-think-my-side-would-like)[exchange](https://ineffable-endearments.tumblr.com/post/187102142769/ok-but-the-i-dont-think-my-side-would-like-that). and there is so much in that exchange i can’t rehash it all here, but i think that in it, Aziraphale is testing the waters. trying to figure out who he is now.

at the end of the scene, you see him school his face into a rather determined expression as he stares straight at the camera. that’s when he follows Crowley onto the bus, sits next to him, and takes his hand.

and that is the other thing, the intimate thing, that they didn’t give up on.

it might have been pressured by Armageddon. but it was never about Armageddon. it was personal.


	12. Aziraphale tries to be prepared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a response to elven-child's post on tumblr. they had good meta, and I wanted to add some thoughts.

Really good analysis! I hope you don’t mind if I add my thoughts, because I have a lot of them!

I think 1862 and the bandstand scene are very intentional parallels to each other. They both start with commentary about Crowley’s nature and end with a breakup. And both of them involve Crowley making a serious proposition about their relationship, hinting that they’re on their own side in 1862 by implying that he’d be willing to die or betray Hell for the Arrangement, and of course outright arguing they could run away together at the bandstand.

That framing, that parallel, wonderfully highlights the _differences_between the scenes and marks the growth in the relationship.

For starters, in 1862, it’s Crowley who tells Aziraphale they have a lot in common, and Aziraphale who highlights the differences (“YOU are Fallen”). At this point, Aziraphale is trying to preserve the status quo. Help out when needed, don’t make a mess. It’s dangerous for both of us to let it get more serious than that.

At the bandstand, it’s Aziraphale who starts by reminding Crowley he used to be an angel and implies he could be forgiven, and Crowley who states that isn’t possible. In this scenario, time is running out, and Aziraphale knows the status quo is _not_ for the best. He _wants Crowley to come back to Heaven_ because he thinks that’s the only way they’re going to see this through on the same side.

The suggestion that they could just say “fuck it all, we’re on our own side” and LITERALLY run away really does, as you had indicated earlier, throw Aziraphale for a loop. You can tell he hasn’t even considered that such a thing could ever be possible (even in 1862!) and he’s had no chance to come up with a safe, scripted response. All he can do for a few seconds is stand there repeating the idea, then imply that it’s absurd. Then when Crowley calls them “friends” it gives Aziraphale a chance to scramble for an old, familiar excuse - one he’s been telling himself for years to dull the pain. It’s a way of returning to the script, really, even though the script is not ACTUALLY where Aziraphale wants to be.

I think Aziraphale literally was unable imagine that it’s even possible to separate from Heaven. That’s why the idea of running off was so absurd. I actually don’t know if he believed he was grasping at straws by saying “there’s nowhere to go”. I think he took that assumption for granted. He thought that if Crowley didn’t want to stay with Hell, the only option was Heaven. And he’s certainly incapable of separating his _own_ identity from Heaven. It’s the one logical flaw that Crowley can’t break Aziraphale out of or talk around, because when you believe something is intrinsic (like your own angelicness or the goodness of Heaven), it needs to prove _itself_ wrong.

Funnily enough, it’s someone else going off-script that shakes him out out of this mindset - Sandalphon gut-punches him.

He’s not supposed to do that! Angels are good guys! That’s the moment that leads to “YOU…B…AD ANGELS” - the realization that _angels can be bad!_ Have the other angels intimidated Aziraphale? Yes, for sure. But the threat of physical violence…that wasn’t supposed to be part of _this_ script. Aziraphale had a perfectly sound explanation for stopping Armageddon, for palling around with a demon…and they committed violence anyway.

Although I believe that what really hardened Aziraphale’s resolve against Heaven was the realization that God was not going to step in and “get all this sorted out” and therefore Heaven isn’t that Good actually, the violence of the Archangels made him realize that angels can and DO go off-script. It’s the conversation with the Metatron that made him realize the Archangels were being the rule rather than the exception and in fact Crowley was right, the whole script is garbage.

The script is important to Aziraphale because he believes it allows him to be some nebulous idea of “good” that is defined by Someone With Authority, not him. He struggles with it even during Armageddon, going back and forth about whether he’s going to do “the dirty work” of banishing the American air base guard or killing the Antichrist, for example.

At the end of the story, by the bus stop, we see Aziraphale rehash the script one more time, perhaps for comfort’s sake: “I don’t think my side would like that.” Only this time, when Crowley reminds him he doesn’t have a side, he doesn’t argue. He doesn’t get angry. He stares ahead, with what looks a lot like _resolve_, because he’s rewriting his entire identity in that moment, and sits as close next to Crowley as he physically can on the bus.

Even if you don’t assume they held hands (which I always thought they did even before that Twitter post), the fact that he did not argue when he previously would have and chose to sit where he did speaks volumes.

And yes, I do think it’s relevant that they chose the side of the bus they did - it’s the _left side of the bus _overall that they chose, which is the side that Crowley always sits on when they’re together and it also puts them quite literally On The Same Side. Also importantly, Crowley sat down first, meaning Aziraphale had to be the one to make the decision to sit right next to Crowley.

In conclusion, yes. Scripts. Planning. Preparing. They are very important to Aziraphale. And you’re right. I was trying to figure out how to explain it, but situations he’s not prepared for are definitely the most readily revealing.


	13. *The Ritz

I’m turning over some thoughts about the Ritz.

In particular, the first time it ever gets suggested is by Aziraphale, in 1967. Dining at the Ritz is one of the activities Aziraphale suggests they could do "perhaps one day," and when Crowley says “we could do those things now,” we get “you go too fast for me.” It’s implying that if the Ritz date were to happen, it would signify a step forward in the relationship.

But we see a Ritz date very early in the series. Episode 1! Aziraphale grows increasingly agitated over Crowley’s suggestions about stopping Armageddon, and Crowley only gets him to stay by suggesting they get lunch instead. We don’t see who suggests it, but they end up at the Ritz. The whole incident is rather tense. Aziraphale is sitting even more stiffly than usual, and Crowley is staring at him with an intensity unrivaled by the power of the actual sun.

Crowley is the one who suggested they should go to lunch. We do not see who suggested the Ritz, specifically, and given that they’re in a certain part of London, they _do_ have many other options.

My hunch? They were trying to jam the promised Ritz event in before Armageddon because they already weren’t sure that it was ever going to happen otherwise.

But there were unresolved issues. They had a good time anyway because they always do, and yet there was tension between them.

In contrast, the last scene of the series involves a relaxed, easygoing lunch at the Ritz - this time, Crowley had done the inviting, and Aziraphale accepted with the phrase “temptation accomplished,” a rather Biblically-charged and plot relevant phrase.

The point is, after the invite, Aziraphale was the one who **suggested** the Ritz and miracled an available table for two. Given that he was the one to first bring it up in 1967, this implies that “perhaps one day” has finally come.


	14. The last thing we need right now is--

The night after they go to the former hospital where Adam and Warlock were swapped, Crowley and Aziraphale were in the car, and they hit Anathema. At that moment, Aziraphale had been talking about how he can feel "flashes of love" all over the place around here. Crowley was very distracted and deflecting the conversation, and tumblr user talea456 made the point that Crowley is usually good at avoiding accidents. This moment, when he was obviously nervous about something, is the only time he's ever hit someone, and it's the one time he was out in the middle of the woods, not speeding in central London where there are tons of pedestrians.

Just before Anathema came along on her bike, Crowley started saying "The last thing we need right now is--" and I'm imagining he might have been getting ready to say:

“The last thing we need right now is— a serious talk about our emotions.”

You know, in this scene, what Aziraphale is sensing is Adam’s love for Tadfield. After all, Adam is powerful enough to write his affection into the very fabric of reality. But I also think **Crowley doesn’t know this** and is panicking because he thinks he’s giving off Vibes. And Aziraphale, who also doesn’t know exactly what he’s sensing but does sense correctly that Crowley is reacting to something about their relationship, and is a ball of emotions himself, is kind of frustrated that Crowley is being dismissive.

The next couple of scenes are, in the diner: “we’ll get humans to find the Antichrist.” “that won’t work.” and in the car: “do you think our human agents should work together?” “no, mine aren’t very sophisticated.”

The truth is…Crowley keeps shutting down ideas. Not that I blame him; they are pretty far-fetched. But I think that Aziraphale feels like he’s already given up a bit, and is frustrated by that. Notice how spaced-out Crowley is during most of these scenes! I think Crowley is worried that his Vibes have been detected because _he’s already thinking about running away with Aziraphale._

Which would mean that what he’s feeling? He’s already consciously identified it as love.


	15. Do something or...or I'll never talk to you again

“Well. That was that. It was nice knowing you.”

What? Hang on, _what_? As if he’s just…accepted the end of the world? Accepted that they _aren’t_ going to go on knowing each other?

“We can’t give up now,” Aziraphale pleads. Surely, Crowley must know how to deal with this…?

“This is Satan himself. This isn’t about Armageddon, this is _personal_. We are _FUCKED_,” snarls Crowley, no doubt speaking from experience.

Like Satan rushing toward the surface of the Earth, a decision rushes toward Aziraphale. As the quaking ground almost knocks him off his feet, Aziraphale stumbles back. And there’s something behind him on the pavement.

He knows what he’s meant to do with the sword as he picks it up. They are an angel and a demon, hereditary enemies, at the very moment when Hell breaks loose, on the very site of Armageddon.

“Come up with something, or–”

Aziraphale glances at the sword in his hand. Crowley glances at the sword, too, his eyes widening. He is afraid. Crowley is afraid of Aziraphale.

They are an angel and a demon, the Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden and the Serpent of Eden, at the very moment when Hell is breaking loose on the very site of Armageddon, and Aziraphale, choosing not to be Crowley’s hereditary enemy, lowers his sword.

Because this isn’t about Armageddon. This is _personal_.

“–Or I’ll never talk to you again,” Aziraphale finishes, and it’s supposed to be a threat, but it gets a little strangled in his throat, because it’s exactly the threat being made against him as well.

It has, indeed, been nice knowing Crowley. And if they give up now, _they will never talk again_.

Realization, perhaps the very same realization, dawns on Crowley’s face, and Aziraphale feels another bright twinge of hope as Crowley scrambles to his feet.


	16. *Crowley and Aziraphale, 3 Loyalties, and Existential Anxiety

I’ve been thinking about the tension between Crowley and Aziraphale.

I could not type that with a straight face because the truth of the matter is that I am always thinking about the tension between Crowley and Aziraphale.

But really, there is even another tension besides Heaven vs. Hell. It’s Earth vs. Alpha Centauri. Fighting vs. running.

The world vs. Crowley.

Aziraphale had some inkling that Crowley was sort of…giving up a bit, I think, at the time that he found Agnes Nutter’s prophecies. They’d just had a very interesting day which had culminated in Crowley shutting down a couple of Aziraphale’s ideas for trying to neutralize the Antichrist (without requiring either of them to do the killing, if it came to that).

But Aziraphale was still completely shocked when Crowley mentioned just fleeing the planet entirely. You could tell he thought about it. He was tempted. Perhaps was amazed that Crowley actually felt that kind of dedication to him.

But it also terrified him. Crowley was essentially separating from Earth, splitting Aziraphale’s already-tortured loyalties again. It’s the thing that pushed him from “you can’t leave. there’s nowhere to go.” to “there is no ‘our side’! not anymore!”

As someone who is maybe a bit of a slacker but DOES fundamentally feel a sense of responsibility, Aziraphale is set on staying here to see through whatever happens with the Earth. It’s easy for me to decide that this sense of responsibility is built-in simply because the Earth and its people have intrinsic value, and I’m sure that’s part of it. But also, Aziraphale existed before the Earth, and would theoretically exist afterwards; he wasn’t even really counting on growing this attached. His responsibility started with the job he was given by Heaven, and his affection became deeper as he spent time here bonding with Crowley. I think Earth was a place where existence all came together for Aziraphale, in a way, where his God-given purpose united him with his favorite being (Crowley) and the first experiences that ever brought real joy (human society). So it’s not just about how much he likes Earth, although he certainly does. It’s an existential issue. To dismantle that is to dismantle himself.

And what about the fact that this means Crowley was willing to just instantly choose Aziraphale over everything else? Everything in creation? When things got bad he didn’t want to take any chances; he just wanted to take off with the person who mattered to him the most. I think it started when Crowley gave up on his job; he likes being a troublemaker, in a way, but he’s not like…committed to the destruction of humanity. In fact, he doesn’t WANT to see that happen. But he’s never been cast in the role of a **guardian**, and probably doesn’t think he really can be. God kicked him out and Hell sucks (and Heaven also sucks anyway), so Crowley is floating around with relatively little meaning aside from what he gets from his…just plain experiences. He’s very human, in that way. And those experiences, like Aziraphale’s, are centered on Earth, but he allows himself to recognize that Aziraphale is the common thread holding those experiences together. He’s willing to accept the end of everything but that thread.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, has NOT given up on his job yet. He thinks he’s still a servant of the Great Plan, Guardian of the Eastern Gate. He’s suspicious of Heaven but hasn’t yet been unmoored from what he thought was his original purpose. Aziraphale cares as much about Crowley as Crowley cares about him; if he didn’t, there wouldn’t be a thermos of holy water in Crowley’s flat. Frankly, the Arrangement would likely never have come to be at all. Crowley is the common thread for Aziraphale, too, but things are inherently more complicated for Aziraphale. He can’t pick up and run away.

Because of all this, Aziraphale really, really wants Crowley to see Armageddon through with him, but he also doesn’t want to put Crowley in danger. And as long as Crowley is here on Earth, still technically aligned with Hell as far as Hell is concerned, Aziraphale is dangerous to him. In that case, it’s easier to just break up - remove himself, the Dangerous Thing, from Crowley’s life entirely, and do not encourage him to get involved any further.

(A slight aside: this is evidence that Aziraphale still does not comprehend how much he actually means to Crowley. Given how much Heaven tends to crush the individuality out of its subjects, he probably doesn’t believe he’s allowed to _want to be wanted_ that much, certainly not by someone who could interfere with Heaven’s plans.)

It’s also easier for Aziraphale to say no to Crowley’s proposal if he himself believes that their separation is final. Crowley is wonderful at convincing Aziraphale to do things; it’s one of the many qualities Aziraphale appreciates about Crowley, really, his brilliant wiles. Crowley can rules-lawyer Heaven until it’s okay for Aziraphale to do whatever he wants. But breaking arbitrary rules is one thing. Abandoning Earth, the place that made them who they are, is another. Aziraphale doesn’t want that temptation looming over him - because it is a real temptation.

The crux of the issue is that Aziraphale had thought he and Crowley had a common goal - to keep the world turning. That was their “side”. By suggesting they run away together, Crowley defected from that “side”. This is the deeper meaning of “there is no ‘our side.’” And by offering to leave the planet, it probably felt a bit like Crowley was willing to unravel the very thing that had brought him to Aziraphale in the first place. It’s why the suggestion that they should run away hurt Aziraphale even though it was a demonstration of love, and it seems like it should have been a nice thing. It was a rejection of two things that were central to who Aziraphale is: Heaven and Earth, although Crowley didn’t think of it as a rejection (just like suggesting that Crowley could come back to Heaven was a rejection, in a way, although Aziraphale didn’t think of it as such).

This is why “I lost my best friend.” “I’m so sorry to hear it.” is so painfully stilted. Aziraphale _is_ genuinely sorry that Crowley is in pain, but he’s **confused**. There are about eight layers of meaning to sift through, even if you assume that Aziraphale knew Crowley was talking about him (which I don’t think we do know for certain).

At this point, Aziraphale doesn’t know that Crowley thinks he’s dead. He knows Crowley took Aziraphale’s breakup seriously, but then Crowley, like, double-broke-up with Aziraphale loudly and in public, so what’s up with that now? And what exactly does Crowley mean by ‘lost’ his best friend? THAT sounds a bit like a death. But he’s not dead! And how could Crowley know Aziraphale got discorporated? There’s a bit of joy in the fact that Crowley is still here, but there’s also danger, and did Crowley just admit he _gave up on living_ because Aziraphale wouldn’t leave Earth? That’s heavy. Is Aziraphale’s rejection going to literally kill Crowley? But how was Aziraphale supposed to _know_ that when he was trying to save the world and Crowley said he was going to leave him behind and forget about him?

We don’t, as the kids say, have time to unpack all that.

Anyway, they’re both here now. Saving the world becomes saving each other again. The Armageddon stuff happens; Crowley is proven right about Heaven, Aziraphale is proven right about humans. Crowley faces up to Hell like Aziraphale had to face up to Heaven. Aziraphale decides once and for all that he’s not Crowley’s hereditary enemy. And he asks Crowley to choose the role of a **guardian**, and Crowley chooses to have faith - not in God, but in a human boy.

Now they share a bench (the same one that had been occupied before by two happy lovers). The artifacts of Armageddon sit between them, but the human delivery man takes those artifacts away. And they have to figure out where to go from here. Quite literally where to go - the bus is coming. By suggesting a return to the bookshop, Aziraphale brings up the possibility of maintaining the status quo. We know he doesn’t really want to be aligned with Heaven anymore - he made clear his frustration with their behavior and embraced the Bad Angel identity - but does he have a choice? Your headcanon may vary, but I would say that by suggesting the return to the bookshop, he was consciously asking whether he still had a choice.

Not whether he had a choice between Heaven and Earth (he’d already made that one), but whether being on Crowley’s Side was still “on the table,” so to speak. After all, they’ve been through a lot just now, including a couple of decisions that were forced by Aziraphale, and before that, they’d had a huge fight. Aziraphale had always meant to come back to Crowley, but after all that, he needs to see if Crowley will still have him the way he’d suggested in 1967.

This version of Crowley doesn’t have an intrinsic sense of hope, per se. That was probably taken from him long ago, with the fall, and that’s why he was willing first to flee and then to lie down and die when the odds started looking bad. But he is gentle, not so deep down, and positively brimming with love and forgiveness. And imagination! With all of these in his heart, he extends the invitation to be on Their Own Side once again.

And Aziraphale accepts. I think he knows Crowley has agreed to stay with him as much as he’s agreed to stay with Crowley. It’s a choice they’ve been working toward for centuries.


	17. *Parallels Between Paris (1793) and London Soho (1967)

Paris, 1793. Lots of people have speculated on whether Aziraphale ended up in the Bastille on purpose. Was he really clumsy enough to get into this trouble and then not miracle himself out of it? I don’t believe so. I mean, I do believe that “frivolous miracles” letter from Heaven was real, but I do not believe that’s why he didn’t miracle himself out.

I do in fact headcanon that he was testing Crowley, actually. Trying to see if Crowley would show up. He does under the excuse that he was “in the area.” Aziraphale at first assumes that this must be Crowley’s work, since he does say he is in the area because he received a commendation for this all, though Crowley then explains that he didn’t really do it and Hell just made assumptions. 

It’s worth noting that when Aziraphale tries to extend a “thank you,” Crowley declines it. For Crowley, all the plausible deniability is couched in work. For Aziraphale, all the plausible deniability is couched in socializing - in being nice, polite.

He invites Crowley to lunch as a gesture of gratitude. Crowley accepts.

Jump to London Soho, 1967. Crowley is setting up a “caper” to rob a church for holy water. I’ve [seen it suggested](https://argentconflagration.tumblr.com/post/188077194822/ilarual-grison-in-space-idle-thing-i-noticed) that this is Crowley’s way of trying to get Aziraphale’s attention, or sort of test him, or ask for his trust, like Paris was Aziraphale’s way of testing Crowley. I believe this may be true.

There are even echoes of Paris in the dialogue: 

**“It’s a good thing I was in the area.” vs. “I work in Soho. I hear things.”  
** and  
**“I suppose I should say thank you.” “Don’t say that.” vs. “Should I thank you?” “Better not.”**

This scene, clearly, is far more somber than the one in Paris. It involves not only the possibility of an inconvenience, a discorporation, but the possibility of a permanent death. Aziraphale is being forced to accept that Crowley is bent on defying Hell specifically because of their Arrangement. Unlike in 1862, when Crowley first asks for the holy water and Aziraphale freaks out and breaks up the Arrangement, Aziraphale’s only choices are to put Crowley in immediate danger by going through with the heist or accept the more long-term danger of holy water in Crowley’s apartment.

Crowley invites Aziraphale out. Aziraphale declines.

In this case, “you go too fast for me” is Aziraphale saying that he knows Crowley’s desires and can’t meet him in the middle because he can’t leave Heaven behind like Crowley wants to leave Hell behind. It’s an interesting putting on of the brakes, so to speak, because normally Aziraphale is eager to indulge in personal time with Crowley, but now he’s realizing this personal bond has dragged Crowley into a dangerous situation.

Worth noting: the holy water is a sign of commitment because Aziraphale makes it real holy water. He could easily have given Crowley a thermos full of boring old regular water just to make himself feel better and prevent Crowley from hurting himself, and Crowley probably would not have known until Armageddon. But Aziraphale gives him real holy water, because he’s got genuine trust in Crowley, and, I would imagine, he knows that if Crowley someday tries to use it as a weapon against other demons and it doesn’t work, that will spell disaster as much as robbing the church might.


	18. Aziraphale's Self-Image and Roles

Aziraphale’s sense of self-worth was based on Heaven’s approval since the Beginning. The very first dialogue he has in the whole series is used to worry that he might have Done The Wrong Thing by giving away the flaming sword. It’s really interesting to note that the audience (Crowley, and most real people I know who’ve seen the show) is immensely charmed by this show of compassion, but Aziraphale is **frightened** by it. He couldn’t resist doing it because he didn’t want to see Adam and Eve get hurt, but now he’s just concerned that his pity for these naked, sad creatures might have been somehow _wrong_.

The next we see is of God asking where the Sword is. We joke about Aziraphale lying to an omniscient God and that is definitely hilarious, but if you want to take a more serious look at it, he is _afraid to tell Her out loud_. She certainly must know what’s happened. And I doubt he doesn’t realize that. I think it’s just that admitting it out loud would make it feel more…intentional, maybe? Like, more brazen. Trying to wiggle your way out of a situation with a superior with a vague lie is very different from looking them in the eye and saying “yeah, I did it”.

Noah’s Ark. Aziraphale is profoundly miserable to be there. This time Crowley’s here too, and he gives a voice to Aziraphale’s doubts. Aziraphale protests, telling him it’s all Ineffable, and you can tell his heart’s not in the denial. But he’s the picture of fear and anxiety here. He’s not interested in stepping away from Heaven, but he obviously doesn’t disagree with Crowley. I think he is caught up in the fact that **he hates this but his own judgement has no value because you can’t judge the Almighty.**

The Crucifixion. The only talk of Heaven is Aziraphale distancing himself from their “policy decisions”. He doesn’t agree with what’s happening at all, but he still operates under two assumptions **beleaguered employees** everywhere make about their employers: that Heaven knows best and that he’s powerless to do anything to change it. Otherwise, both Aziraphale and Crowley are about as miserable as we see them with regards to human business in this scene.

Rome. Aziraphale is alone, and approaches Crowley to ask if Crowley is still a demon. This is a bit offensive to Crowley, I think, who responds that there is no other option. But Aziraphale persists, bringing up the oysters, “well let me tempt you to - oh that’s your job, isn’t it?” He’s reinforcing their angel and demon roles while at the same time informing Crowley that if he’s asked for social time, he will definitely say “yes”. Probably sees himself as **1\. an angel **(inseparable from Heaven’s will) and **2\. an idle pastime.**

Arthurian England. Crowley first suggests not doing their work and just telling Heaven and Hell that it’s been done anyway. At first Aziraphale makes a show of looking like he cares about lying to Heaven, but as the scene goes on it becomes clear that what he really cares about is Heaven’s approval. Not only would he be lying, but he’d be found out. Probably sees himself as **1\. an angel** and **2\. an excuse.**

Shakespearean England. Crowley tempts Aziraphale into teaming up to deal with the blessings and the temptation in Edinburgh. Aziraphale’s one and only complaint here is that “if Hell finds out, they won’t just be angry - they’ll destroy you.” As with Adam and Eve, Aziraphale doesn’t want anything bad to happen to Crowley, but _he thinks this softness means there’s something wrong with him._

Also, up until now, it appears that all of Crowley’s suggestions have been work-related, and Aziraphale ends up losing the coin toss. Aziraphale does convince Crowley to miracle Hamlet into a success, but he seems actually surprised by the favor. I think around now is when he’s realizing he might actually be **a** **friend.**

TL;DR Aziraphale’s own self-worth is based in Heaven’s opinion, but he genuinely enjoys “the enemy’s” company and is upset by the notion that something could happen to said “enemy.” Because of this, I think it is safe to say that Aziraphale arrives at the conclusion that **his desires do not matter.**

Paris. This event, which I think was a conscious test of the relationship, should be the first big proof to Aziraphale that he means more to Crowley than an easy way out of work. It can’t be said out loud, as Crowley reminds him, but Aziraphale is now **1\. an angel** and **2\. a friend **but also **3\. a risk.**

St. James’s Park, Victorian era. During this particular episode, Aziraphale denies that he and Crowley have anything in common, because Crowley is Fallen. He’s once again reaching to Heaven for his personal worth. When Crowley persists in asking for a favor (it’s the Holy Water), Aziraphale’s first instinct is to cite Crowley’s safety, stating he won’t give him a suicide pill, and then to cite Heaven, stating that he would be in trouble with them.

This is Aziraphale desperately, desperately trying to maintain a comfortable status quo. His own self-worth is tied up in Heaven, but he still cares about Crowley. These two things are entirely not compatible, because as has been established, Aziraphale’s opinions and feelings do not matter. From this perspective, if Crowley really thinks this whole thing is so dangerous, then it’s going to be better for both of them if they just separate. Crowley then outright tells Aziraphale he doesn’t matter. Aziraphale seems to believe him. Aziraphale is **1\. an angel** and **2\. a risk.**

London, 1941. The church bombing. Aziraphale starts out this interaction quite angry, then relaxes when it’s clear Crowley is here to help. Then Crowley does The Thing. The saving of the books. It’s a gesture of real caring - he knew Aziraphale would care about the books, and he knew Aziraphale would forget to save the books, and he chose to do the kind thing for someone who had yelled at him last time they talked. There is no plausible deniability here, not to Aziraphale or to anyone else. Everyone loves to speculate about this moment, given that Michael Sheen said it’s when he thinks Aziraphale fell in love, but among other things, I think that this is also the moment Aziraphale realizes Crowley’s connection to him is real, heartfelt, and _not going away_. Aziraphale is **1\. an angel** and **2\. a friend** and **3\. a risk Crowley is choosing to assume.**

Soho, 1967. Aziraphale finally capitulates and gives Crowley holy water, demonstrating that he, too, cares for Crowley, but is unable to leave his own Side the way that Crowley would be willing to leave Hell. Aziraphale is **1\. an angel, 2. beloved by the enemy, 3. dangerous.**

Jump to modern times. Birth of the Antichrist. They make a whole new agreement, shake on it and everything, to be **“godfathers” (and yes, it seems like Aziraphale is enthusiastic about that role)**. He is actually afraid of Heaven, intimidated by their power, but **still draws personal meaning from them; being an angel still matters**. I think in some ways he’s holding out because he’s hoping Heaven holds the key to stopping Armageddon if all else fails (early on, he asks Crowley what they’ll do if their godfather plan fails, and Crowley doesn’t have an answer). Aziraphale does view himself as an important friend to Crowley, but I think he finds himself **questioning his importance** a bit as Crowley seems to be declining all his ideas for saving the world…

…Except then, Crowley COMPLETELY shocks Aziraphale by suggesting they should run away together. Aziraphale was obviously not expecting that, and took it as a betrayal of the Side they’d created for themselves by being godfathers (even though this is so painfully not even remotely what Crowley was trying to do).

The bandstand breakup parallels the 1862 breakup to an absurdly close degree - same park, Aziraphale approaching Crowley looking anxiously over his shoulder. If things aren’t going to work out anyway, if Crowley refuses to join Heaven and keeps rejecting Aziraphale’s plans to save the Earth, then his association with Aziraphale is nothing but a danger to himself. It’s the same thought process that took place in the same park in 1862, except for one key difference: Aziraphale implies that Crowley could be an angel again this time. He does retreat to “I’m a great deal holier than thou, that’s the whole point” but this is only after Crowley has vehemently refused any notion that he could ever align with Heaven again.

In this complicated case, Aziraphale is **1\. a questioning angel, 2. a godfather to Earth, 3. beloved,** and **4\. a huge risk.**

Because he STILL identifies with being an angel (more and more hesitantly every hour), Aziraphale’s opinion on all this does not matter. It was not allowed to matter thousands of years ago, it was not allowed to matter in 1862, it was not allowed to matter in 1967, and it is not allowed to matter now.

Until.

Aziraphale’s tenuous balance is finally overthrown when he discovers that Heaven does not care about protecting Earth and will stop at nothing to decimate its enemy, which necessarily includes the “enemy” who loves Aziraphale. There is literally no Higher Power to turn to. Aziraphale decides he really **doesn’t care about being a good angel** so much anymore, and prefers the **godfather** role, seeking out his fellow godparent right away. He is no longer bound by Heaven’s approval.

Through the millennia, time spent balancing life on Earth, Crowley _gave Aziraphale his second meaning_, the one after being an angel, the one he eventually **chooses.** And that second meaning came through the Earth, through their mutual love for this place that Heaven and Hell disdained - and their love for each other and the gifts that each gave the Earth as well.


	19. *Choices (They're usually the Serpent's thing, but the Angel tries his hand with them, too)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for suicide and suicidal ideation mentions in this chapter.

After getting discorporated, Aziraphale asks Crowley whether he went to Alpha Centauri despite knowing that Crowley can’t be anywhere but on Earth right now (Aziraphale navigated his way from Heaven using an actual planet Earth globe).

Then he indicates that he needs Agnes Nutter’s book even though he likely doesn’t actually need Agnes Nutter’s book for his own purposes (he tells Crowley to get the book, but he’s also able to find his way to the airbase without the book, he’s able to tell Crowley to go to the airbase without the book, and then Crowley brings the book and immediately gives it back to Anathema; Aziraphale does not protest, and it’s really only a matter of good luck that he managed to grab Agnes Nutter’s final prophecy as it floated by).

Aziraphale could have skipped the song and dance about Alpha Centauri, and about needing his book, and skipped straight to “Hallo, please meet me at Tadfield Airbase.” But he DIDN’T. These smaller asks are gentle hints, ways of trying to probe whether Crowley is still willing to help him out after those two enormous fights they just had.

AND. He probably already knows the answers. He probably knows Crowley will always help out. Aziraphale still wants to give Crowley a **choice** before getting him involved in confronting the Antichrist directly. I am not quite sure whether he’s doing it for more selfless reasons (purely wanting to let Crowley be safe) or self-centered ones (wanting to reassure himself that he’s been chosen). I suspect, though, that it’s both.

At the Tadfield bus stop, too, Aziraphale suggesting that the bus driver should drop him off at the bookshop is another request for Crowley to make a choice. He may or may not remember that the bookshop is gone, but even if he thinks it’s still there, I don’t think he wants to go there alone; if that was the case, then the timing of the statement would be rather awkward, maybe even unnecessary. This is to say nothing of Aziraphale’s facial expressions, which practically shout “this is not just about the bus ride!”.

I think by saying he should have the driver leave him at the bookshop, Aziraphale is stating that he intends to stay here on Earth, but also isn’t sure if perhaps Crowley will deal with his own angry Side by leaving Earth (as Crowley had suggested earlier that day), and he wants to prompt an invitation to stay together but only if Crowley wants to give that invitation (meaning he plans to stay here).

I’ve analyzed the phrase to Hell and back, but it can’t be said enough times: “I don’t think my Side would like that” is another prompt for Crowley. Aziraphale wants to make sure Crowley understands what staying here might mean for both of them (permanent death). Remember, this also comes after the delivery man asks if Aziraphale believes in life after death. “Well, I suppose I must do,” he answers, and gives Crowley a strange, loaded look.

Because that’s what they’re both staring down right now.

We comment about Aziraphale being manipulative, and he certainly can be; he is definitely trying to play a complicated three-sided Chess game with Heaven, Hell, and Earth (I think that’s what the Chess board in his bookshop symbolizes), and he almost never says exactly what he means. But he wants Crowley to genuinely make his own decisions. Every time he hints at wanting Crowley to do him some little favor, Crowley does it…but the hint is based entirely in the assumption that he’ll WANT to do it. Crowley usually has an out.

**There are about 3 scenes when Aziraphale specifically does _not_ give Crowley a choice, and these stand out for important reasons as well:**

**1\. 1862, the Holy Water breakup.** It’s pretty obvious that this breakup was triggered by Crowley’s willingness to put himself in danger. Aziraphale complains that he’d get in trouble if Heaven found out about the Holy Water, but the Arrangement has been breaking Heaven’s supposed rules for centuries now. Aziraphale just leaves, not giving Crowley a chance to argue.

**2\. The Bandstand breakup.** It was a long and tortured argument, but there were two moments when Aziraphale tried to not give Crowley a choice. First, when they were both refusing to kill the Antichrist, and Crowley was about to walk away, Aziraphale said “You can’t leave, Crowley. There’s nowhere to go.” Second, when Crowley answered that by saying they could both just leave Earth together because they’ve been friends for so long, Aziraphale told Crowley it was unequivocally over.

One could easily say the lack of choice was because Aziraphale was angry at Crowley for not wanting to kill the Antichrist and for not trying hard enough to save the world. But remember, Aziraphale already thinks he has a plot in place for saving the planet. He’s begging Heaven to help, and even if Heaven won’t help, we already saw him making a phone call to move the humans (the “Witchfinder Army”) into position to potentially neutralize the Antichrist. Before coming to meet Crowley he had just had a conversation with Shadwell, the one after which Shadwell called him a Southern pansy.

“You can’t leave,” Aziraphale says, not because he was going to try to force Crowley to kill the Antichrist, but because nowhere on Earth is going to be safe except on Heaven’s side. _Especially_ if nobody is going to kill the Antichrist, which neither of them wants to do.

“There is no Our Side. Not anymore. It’s over,” Aziraphale says when Crowley reveals that there is in fact another possibility, because he is not going to leave Earth and he wants Crowley to make his own decision about where he goes, without Aziraphale. In this case it’s not so much that he’s taking away all choices from Crowley as he is trying to remove himself from the equation so Crowley will make the decision for himself and leave, if necessary. It’s taking away the _relationship_ decision.

So wait, how is that keeping Crowley safe?! Well, it’s because their relationship and Hell’s possible discovery of it is what made Crowley seek a stash of Holy Water. In 1967, when Crowley tried the church heist, Aziraphale knew Crowley was determined to deepen the Arrangement, their relationship, or to die trying.

This whole time, because of that Holy Water request, Aziraphale has been thinking _he_ was the Dangerous Thing, that the hope of being _with him_ is what was causing Crowley to be so careless with his own life. I think at the Bandstand, once he realized Crowley would never be “safe in Heaven’s arms” and also realized he was going to be dying here on Earth if the Antichrist was not neutralized, Aziraphale was hoping if he just removed himself from the picture, disavowed their whole connection for all time, Crowley would finally decide Aziraphale wasn’t worth the trouble.

During the scene in Soho when Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away with him one more time, Hell has finally discovered that Crowley botched the Antichrist situation. Crowley says he’s leaving, and Aziraphale does not make a move to stop him. That sad, resigned expression he wears is probably the face of an angel who doesn’t want to lose his best friend but already thinks that Crowley will be better off without him and should, ideally, be heading for the stars, if he knows what’s good for him.

And then events bring us to Tadfield Airbase.

**3\. Tadfield Airbase.** “Do something, or…or I’m never going to talk to you again!”

The bandstand breakup passes. The bar scene - “I lost my best friend” - is the moment Aziraphale finally, finally realizes Crowley has no self-preservation instinct AT ALL without him. And then he once again gives Crowley the choice to help out. That’s one of the most notable choices he gave Crowley…but he didn’t dawdle over it, because they both already knew the answer. It was important to make it a choice, though.

They find themselves together, with a motley group of humans and the Antichrist, facing down Satan. And Crowley is once again resigned to death.

Aziraphale now knows - and, now that he doesn’t think Heaven is going to help them, is capable of accepting! - that nothing else would compel Crowley like their bond. Aziraphale has been cruel to be kind before, but never like at this moment, when he finally acknowledges the reality of their relationship and forces Crowley to keep fighting, to find some spark of hope or a creative solution somewhere.

Aziraphale thought the Holy Water, if anything, was representative of the threat he posed to Crowley’s life. There are so many ways he was worried about this, from the symbolic reality that Crowley had accepted the importance of their relationship as something that could kill them, that he would defy Hell for, to the literal reality that Crowley could use it to actively kill himself. But in the end, it’s losing Aziraphale that caused Crowley to give up and resign himself to his fate.

It’s getting Aziraphale back that gave him the spark of hope needed to carry on, and after that, Crowley finds faith in both Aziraphale and in Adam and humanity.

By encouraging Eve to eat the apple, Crowley gave humans the ultimate choice, the one that made humans what they are. And in his own way, he’s been giving Aziraphale choices, too - helping Aziraphale understand that no, Heaven’s way isn’t necessarily the only way. For the most part, Aziraphale assumes his role is to preserve the status quo.

However, Aziraphale DOES purposely frame his and Crowley’s relationship as a choice. The only times he doesn’t are times when he thinks there’s a direct threat to Crowley’s safety that can’t be mitigated. This is why the series starts with a shot of Aziraphale’s wing shielding Crowley and ends with a shot in the Ritz that calls back to the very same scene; Aziraphale has been trying to shield Crowley the whole time.


	20. *Aziraphale and his Best Impulses

the thing about Aziraphale is that, paradoxically, he thinks a lot of his best impulses are **bad**. this is an unexpected thing he has in common with crowley, but their reasons are inverted.

he couldn’t stand to see adam and eve leave eden without some kind of self-defense. but he spent all his time worrying about whether he did something wrong. he was profoundly anxious during both the launching of noah’s ark and jesus’s crucifixion. and he kept repeating “it’s the plan”. and you could TELL, it wasn’t really crowley he was trying to convince.

i think trusting crowley is much the same way. deep down, aziraphale definitely does trust crowley. i mean! the instant heaven was out of the way he went to crowley for help, and every time they’re together and there’s a problem, who does he turn to? but he knows he’s **not supposed to** be trusting crowley. the fact that he does is, itself, a stain. just like having pity for adam and eve was a weakness, so is trusting crowley. so he’s in this paradoxical situation where he both does and doesn’t trust, because his own judgement says he definitely can, but heaven’s judgement, the judgement he’s spent six thousand desperate years cultivating, says he absolutely most certainly cannot, and when has his opinion ever been right? he’s only ever gotten any positive feedback from his bosses for agreeing with them, never, ever for thinking.


	21. What happened at the airbase

Okay so I have to confess something. Part of me has been grumbling, “But Why Couldn’t What Happened At The Airbase Have Been Nicer?”

The moment Aziraphale decided between threatening Crowley with the sword or threatening to take away his friendship (BOTH of which, for the record, he was obviously dreading)…

It symbolizes the realization that what would save them would not be their enmity, but their bond. I always have to remind myself about Aziraphale that he is afraid of love and its implications, and hides behind conflict as a way of escaping judgement. He goes for the sword at first not only because he thinks he’s supposed to but because that’s how he’s been communicating with Crowley for 6000 years, in the terms of enemies.

For 6000 years they’ve been pretending to hate each other to the Powers That Be and assuming that was the only safe way to coexist (see especially Shakespearean England, Paris, 1862, and 1967). Aziraphale in particular has internalized the notion that this is how it’s truly _supposed_ to be, and setting himself up opposite Crowley is the only morally acceptable approach.

And, you know, for a while, although things maybe didn’t always need to be so harsh, appearing to exist in opposition probably was the best way to survive - much like in real life, you need to survive before you can throw a revolution, right? And there were millennia of groundwork laid that would never go to waste, no matter how secret it was.

But it’s a new time now. Crowley persuaded him to choose Earth, and it’s an Earth where the humans have the final say, and _the_ most powerful human and his peers can’t even comprehend how you could possibly go to jail for Being Out. And the celestials have the tools they need to forge their Own Side. Aziraphale believes that Crowley has the answer, but knows he needs a reason to reach for it.

The moment wouldn’t work if it was “Nicer” because the whole point is that this is both characters facing their ultimate problems, the fear of change and the desire to just let go. It is the culmination of a conflict. It's the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object. Everyone is terrified.

But still, of all the things that matter, it’s only love that matters _enough_ to save them from the hellish pit of despair yawning wide open on the Tadfield airbase and deep in Crowley’s chest.


	22. *Love Show: London Soho, 1967

I think one reason we react so strongly to Soho 1967 might be because it’s the most honest we ever see Aziraphale in the whole series (with the exception of perhaps the very end).

He doesn’t tell a single lie or half-truth or platitude in this scene. He doesn’t bring up Heaven or God or the Ineffable Plan even one single time. Everything is still put rather delicately, but the emotions are awfully close to the surface.

Notice the set and the lighting around the Bentley, the signs we see just before Crowley gets in the car. “Love Show Cinema.” “Striptease.” The viewer is primed with thoughts of love, of coming to see things that are supposed to be forbidden, of the removal of outer layers and people being laid bare. The lighting is almost nothing but bright pink and orange and red – the colors of heat, of flushed skin, of the interiors of hearts pumping blood.

This is Soho, and these are the businesses that are present in Soho, and it reflects the time period. But the bookshop has been stationed in Soho for 218 years and we don’t get any other scenes with sets like this one in the rest of the series.

I have noticed something different between this scene and the beginning of the series in 2007. Aziraphale seems more distant in 2007, not like someone who’d handed over his heart in a thermos. He also seems EXTRA pompous, like way more in Episode 1 than in any other part of the series. In 2007, Aziraphale is essentially the polar opposite of how he is in Soho in 1967. We know Aziraphale tends to get frightened when he takes steps toward further intimacy with Crowley, so that could be part of it, but I think another large part of is that by giving Crowley the Holy Water, he’s finally accepting the risk to Crowley, and it’s left him feeling, understandably, uncomfortable.

In 1967, Aziraphale’s accepting that Crowley frankly cannot be stopped from taking risks for their relationship. He’s accepting that someday, their relationship might destroy Crowley, but if he doesn’t hand over the Holy Water now, that day might come immediately. He’s between a rock and a hard place, and is forced to accept that Crowley may choose destruction, and he can KIND of prevent it, but not in a lasting way. Because Aziraphale has tried removing himself from the equation, and it hasn’t worked. Crowley will destroy himself trying to return.

So Aziraphale sticks around, but distances himself a bit emotionally, as one does when one is concerned that something beloved is not going to last. He gives Crowley the tool with which to protect himself, the tool he doesn’t think Crowley should actually have but which must be handed over now if it ever will, and hopes that the future will be long but prepares for the reality that it might not be.

In 2018, Aziraphale will find himself realizing all over again that he never wants to say goodbye, but because he won’t be out of Heaven’s clutches yet, he’ll try to get around it by making an offer Crowley can’t accept. Only once they both realize that they can legitimately save each other by rejecting Heaven and Hell will we see overjoyed, unguarded smiles – not crowded together in a secret, forbidden place, but outside, under the light of the sun, in the eyes of the world.

1967 is basically a risk agreement between the two of them. It ended up saving them and maybe even the whole world by putting them in place to support Adam’s decision, but for a while there, the risk of loss that it represented scared Aziraphale back almost two centuries.


	23. *Full Circle

Crowley and Aziraphale gave humanity two key tools: the knowledge of good and evil (knowledge in general, and most importantly, the desire and ability to question) and the flaming sword for both defending and attacking (a gesture of compassion, but also a sign of hope that things could yet work out for people, and a sign of trust that they wouldn’t muck it all up too much).

These gifts made humans who they are and saved them from a Creation that was hostile outside the Garden of Eden.

Then, a funny thing happened. Over six millennia, humanity turned around and made Aziraphale and Crowley who _they_ are. Earth became a place where existence took on a meaning outside of Heaven and Hell. It became a common ground where the celestials could become more than they ever knew was possible for them.

At the end of it all, Crowley and Aziraphale rushed to the site of Armageddon trying to save their godchildren again. And they did contribute. They contributed by questioning Heaven and Hell, and by putting faith in Adam, just like they did that very first day at the Gate of Eden. But actually, humanity - Adam, with his rejection of Satan in favor of the father who really loved him, and Agnes Nutter, with her final prophecy - saved their lives.

And if that isn’t a full circle completed with breathtaking depth then I don’t know what is.

Also it’s just a very powerful demonstration of character development that Crowley and Aziraphale’s roles from the Wall of Eden were reversed during the final confrontation at Armageddon. Aziraphale was the one questioning Heaven and Hell, while Crowley was the one putting his faith in Adam. (Of course, they both followed through on both questioning and faith in the end, but as the conversations played out, it was Crowley who was following Aziraphale’s line of questioning and Aziraphale who was following Crowley’s faith.)

Even the cinematography demonstrated character development. Both the opening scene on the Wall of Eden and the Armageddon time bubble took place in the desert. But the opening scene had the celestials separated from the humans, watching from a distance. The Armageddon scene with Adam had them in the sand alongside him.


	24. In a way, knowing where Adam is recreates Eden

None of the characters are consciously aware this is playing out, except maybe Adam, but this is what’s going on:

Knowing where the Antichrist is might be symbolic knowledge.

It’s not just understanding the physical location of one boy. It’s knowing where to find the solution to the end of the world. It’s knowing where the world is going to begin _again_, if it does.

In essence, to know where Adam Young the Antichrist is would be to hold the key to the Garden of Eden. Fitting, then, that for a time, the Guardian of the Eastern Gate is the only one who knows where Adam is. Fitting that this Guardian would believe he’s supposed to choose wisely who he tells about Adam, would believe he’s supposed to report it to Heaven, would believe for reasons he doesn’t understand but has been told by Upstairs that he shouldn’t be letting any Serpents in.

But the poetry comes when the Guardian of the Eastern Gate realizes Heaven sees nothing of paradise in the Garden and chooses instead to lead the Serpent right back to where they both started. This time, the angel, the serpent, and the human can leave the Garden _together_.


	25. *"It's Over" and Resisting Temptation

During the bandstand breakup, Crowley is trying to actually put the value of their relationship into words. He knows they’re each other’s most important people. He’s trying to bring that out into the open - the OPEN! - and Aziraphale **cannot** deal with it.

Why? Sure, he comes from a world where rhetoric matters to an absurd degree, so for Aziraphale to simply admit that he prefers Crowley over Heaven would probably be taken _worse_, from Heaven’s perspective, than many of the things he could actually _do_ with Crowley.

But there’s **got** to be something else. Something that takes it from the denial of “we’re not friends” all the way to “it’s over.”

Crowley just keeps pushing and pushing. It’s funny - and sad - Aziraphale gets away with lying about knowing where the Antichrist is, but Crowley calls his lies about their relationship _immediately_.

Crowley knows Aziraphale loves him and won’t let him deny it any longer.

> _“Go off together? Listen to yourself.”_ (You’re saying this out loud and it! Scares! Me!)
> 
> **“How long have we been friends? 6000 years?”** (Yes I’m saying it out loud because the world is ending and it’s time to admit it!)
> 
> _“Friends? We’re not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don’t even like you.”_ (No, stop trying to make me say it. I’m not going to admit it.) (Aziraphale really seems to be trying to convince HIMSELF here.)
> 
> **“You do!”** (You’re lying. You like me. A lot.)
> 
> _“Even if I knew where the Antichrist was, I wouldn’t tell you! We are on opposite sides!”_ (Okay you called my lie but we have REASONS for being secret!)
> 
> **“We’re on our side!”** (It doesn’t have to be that way. That might as well be a lie, too, because there’s no real reason to think of us as being on separate sides anymore.)
> 
> _“There is no our side. Not anymore. It’s over.”_ (Okay so we DID have a side but now we don’t! There! You can’t push me to admit anything anymore if we don’t have a side!)

After that, Aziraphale is still standing there - probably, if their past interactions are any indication, hoping that Crowley’s brilliant imagination will come up with some sort of alternative. He wants Crowley to accept that suggesting the running away was too much and that he’ll present something else. But this whole interaction has been incredibly painful for Crowley; it’s a lot of rejection for one day. As emphasized by the chain around his neck, his hands are as tied as Aziraphale’s, if not more so. And he is tired of getting yelled at for trying to preserve the relationship.

Is this a disagreement over their feelings for each other? Aziraphale is trying to convince himself that it is, but I don’t think that it really is. There’s too much emotional weight to the denials, and if you follow the conversation, you’ll notice that Aziraphale actually gives a little ground and changes the subject every time Crowley calls him out on a lie about his feelings. Also, I believe Crowley knows what he’s talking about.

Is this about Heaven’s approval? Yes, but not entirely - when Aziraphale is uncomfortable with breaking Heaven’s rules, he subtly asks Crowley to help him rationalize until he’s comfortable doing it. That’s much more standard for their relationship than what’s happening here.

Is this about Crowley’s safety - Aziraphale trying to push him towards Heaven? Partially, yes, I think so - Aziraphale is bitter that Crowley won’t even consider joining Heaven, and based on the assumptions Aziraphale is making (Hell is going to be angry about Armageddon being stopped, while Heaven is strong and also technically Good and therefore will be Merciful), Heaven would theoretically be the safest alignment for Crowley (it’s not true, but I’m looking at it through his flawed perspective). Aziraphale keeps emphasizing Sides because he wants Crowley to conclude that he will just have to come over to Aziraphale’s. But that can’t be the whole problem, because we already went through this process earlier in the conversation and Aziraphale called for further discussion (”You can’t leave, Crowley”) rather than cutting things off.

Is this about Aziraphale not trusting Crowley? Absolutely not. He’ll say ‘oh you’re a demon you lie blah blah blah’ but that is ENTIRELY lip service. Who’s the one Aziraphale’s been going to for all his solutions for all of human history? Who’s the one he goes to the instant Heaven reveals its true colors?

So no. None of the above issues cover the desperation of “it’s over.”

I’d submit that “it’s over” is a matter of _resisting temptation_. It’s a way of not having to describe and name and accept all the feelings, because then they will become too powerful and Aziraphale just might take up that offer of going to the stars. Aziraphale wants to be with Crowley. He wants to follow Crowley wherever he goes - to a faraway planet, if necessary, just to be together. And naming the relationship WILL give it the power to make that happen.

If they acknowledge that the feelings are real, if they name the feelings out loud, then Crowley’s offer becomes rational. And Aziraphale doesn’t _want_ to resist his wily, cunning, brilliant serpent’s rationality. It’s one of the things that has kept their double lives intact.

However, leaving the planet wouldn’t be good for anyone. Aziraphale would be running away from everything he’s ever tried to stand for; it would rip apart the person he’s trying to be, both the Good Angel and the Good Person. Crowley would talk a good game about it, but he would really miss the world, and I think Aziraphale knows that Crowley would bitterly regret leaving Earth to burn. And, of course, Earth would burn. That would definitely not fit the "greater good" at all. There is no way Aziraphale could go on existing if he let it happen. And again, Crowley, who is not cruel or sadistic at all and is not even really callous enough for Armageddon, would also regret it terribly.

But Aziraphale loves Crowley. He is _tempted_. And he is running out of ideas. Think about it: we just established that even if they find the Antichrist, _they don’t know what to do with him._ So Aziraphale says what he needs to in an effort to end the conversation before he agrees to something they’ll both regret in the end. This is, of course, only an analysis of emotions and intentions, not of the actual consequences of "it's over." Aziraphale still has a lot of issues to work out which would have allowed him to communicate in a way that hurt him and Crowley less. That is a different essay, though.

In the grand scheme of the story, Crowley is very happy on Earth, cares about its denizens, and would never have wanted to actually leave. Aziraphale is an emotionally constipated mess here, but it’s not just about being too frail to acknowledge feelings; it’s about knowing exactly how strong those feelings are and trying not to do anything rash with them. Ironically, Aziraphale at his most repressed is him fighting his most desperate, irresponsible urges. He’s not in a healthy place, and lashes out when he realizes the strength of all these feelings.


	26. *Taking the Bentley to Tadfield

It’s taken me a little while to grasp that the struggles of the celestials…are not physical. At all. For them, every single physical barrier in the show represents a metaphysical one, which is the “real” challenge. It’s one of those things I had to sort of rearrange my brain for as a human who is (much to my chagrin) bound by physics. Crowley and Aziraphale have found their meanings here on Earth, so they choose to solve their problems in Earthly ways.

Take Crowley’s decision to drive the Bentley to Tadfield instead of figuring out some miraculous way of managing the trip. The Bentley is a concrete symbol of Crowley’s connection to Earth, and the flaming sigil around the M25 represents Hell in general and more particularly the things Crowley has done that are now impeding his ability to stop Armageddon.

You could make an argument from a practical standpoint that he didn’t technically need to drive to Tadfield, that he could have figured out something else, but character- and story-wise, the Bentley symbolizes Crowley’s connection to society. It’s his absolute favorite Earthly possession. It has served other symbolic roles in the story, and they need to be tied up here - both for the experience of the story and for Crowley’s own peace of mind.

As Aziraphale’s bookshop is a common meeting place for the pair - a sort of base of operations, as would befit the consistent, rarely-changing sort of person he is - Crowley’s Bentley gets the two of them around, fitting for a character who is always changing and always on the move. The bookshop is their consistent place. The Bentley is their changing place. And they do it all this way to blend in with humans.

So it fits most that Crowley chooses the human method of transportation to get to Armageddon. And given that it takes place after he’s had his breakdown and given up on life for a while, it symbolizes his reconnection to Earth’s cause. Remember, inside the Bentley, while he’s talking to Hastur, is when he refers to “lovely, clever human people” for inventing the car in the first place. He’s having a TON of emotions here! They’re important for him to go through!

I don’t think it’s just that Crowley has gone native or that he is too stupid or absent-minded to think of anything else. It’s that the Bentley matters to him, and while he is not literally looking at it with the clarity that an analytical viewer can, that importance comes from his connection to Earth, it manifests in the core ideas in the story through the Bentley’s continued role, and it means it would be worse for Crowley as well as the readers if he tried to circumvent taking the car to the Tadfield airbase.

Oh. Oooohhh!

This is why it never mattered “how Crowley planned to get to Alpha Centauri” (although I WILL always enjoy my mental image of the Bentley flying through outer space).

They’re angels. They can do what they want. Alpha Centauri was symbolic - perhaps the best symbol possible of Crowley and Aziraphale, a binary star system so close that it took us forever to figure out it was actually two stars. Crowley was saying “Our douchebag bosses don’t really care about anything but destroying Earth. They certainly don’t care about our feelings for each other. So really, we can just choose to be on our side and fuck off for an eternity. Trade the Earth and all the kingdoms thereof for _us_.”

And Aziraphale considered it. I think it really upset him that he considered it. And given that Crowley was the one who suggested they should save the Earth in the first place, Crowley was the one who convinced Aziraphale this was the right thing to do, Aziraphale was especially at a loss for how the fuck to deal with such a request. So he had a tantrum!

We see a lot of imagery of Crowley circling Aziraphale, like a planet orbits a sun. By kicking Earth to the curb, the two of them would have become essentially the same, just like two stars, instead of retaining the traits that make each of them unique like different parts of a solar system, which are all a product of - you got it - interacting with humanity on Earth.

Ugh. I’m in _so_ much pain. Leaving Earth forever and having Crowley rejoin Heaven are both such absolutely horrendous ideas but they’re both trying so goddamn hard.

And, you know, before Agnes’s prophecy, they probably really didn’t know there could be any happy ending besides the ones they each thought was the right decision! Aziraphale probably thought that if Crowley didn’t rejoin Heaven, he was going to get wiped out, and Crowley probably thought that if they didn’t run away, they were both going to get wiped out, and then they both refused to follow each other’s ideas because Crowley knows Heaven is full of shit and Aziraphale will never actually stop guarding Eden, and they realized this might be goodbye forever!

But in none of this does the “how” matter. Only the decisions themselves.


	27. *Temptation Accomplished!

**"Temptation accomplished!"**

is SUCH AN IMPORTANT LINE

(so is the ensuing wiggle but mostly because it’s adorable)

anyway it’s…obviously symbolic because this is the _Serpent of Eden_ saying it’s Time To Leave The Garden and offering food, with Aziraphale’s acceptance of the food thereby declaring his acceptance of a more complicated moral world than the one he’s tried to cling to.

but it’s ALSO the first time Aziraphale admits he’s accepting an invitation to spend time together just for pure pleasure. most of the time, it’s couched in terms of convenience, or the two of them doing polite favors for each other for business purposes while they keep the Great Plan going. (don’t get me wrong - they know, and we know, why they’re really spending time together. but it HAS to go unspoken, as far as Aziraphale is concerned, because of the dangers of Heaven and Hell.)

the closest they ever came to this was almost a thousand years ago in ancient Rome, when Aziraphale hinted that Crowley should tempt him to oysters. and even then, things were coated in plausible deniability. the plea for attention was very close to the surface, but it was not quite at the surface yet.

“Temptation accomplished” is the first time Aziraphale says out loud yes, I am no longer thwarting your wiles! you succeeded! this is not The Arrangement, it’s me choosing you!


	28. Aziraphale and hedonism

I see your “Aziraphale is a hedonist” and raise you a “yes BUT–”

Aziraphale ALWAYS has an excuse ready for why he engages with things here on Earth and that excuse _never_ involves his own feelings. It’s **always** about how it fits into the Great Plan. If he can’t think of a Great Plan-friendly excuse for doing something then he **will** deny himself.

Anything that Heaven just finds vaguely distasteful or puzzling but not “treasonous” (e.g. Aziraphale eating food or maintaining the bookshop) is justified for the purposes of blending in with humans, part of Wearing The Mask, part of his mission to fulfill the Great Plan. Note that he will admit to thinking things like sushi and other food are “nice” but still has that backup excuse of needing to blend in to perform his mission.

Aziraphale also has an excuse for engaging in The Arrangement with Crowley, which is that they’re helping the Great Plan move along and it’s OK to work together because both of their tasks are destined to get done anyway, so they’re just making it go more efficiently. However, he recognizes that Heaven would consider his active _cooperation_ with Crowley treason, so he doesn’t admit to Heaven that he’s working with Crowley. (Here you can see that he’s always separated his bosses’ orders from the Great Plan itself, but that’s a post for another time.)

Anyway. Aziraphale takes a lot of joy from Earthly pleasures, but he still constrains himself, trying to carefully force everything he does into the philosophical framework of the Great Plan. If he can’t find some way to fit them in, he **will** deny himself in absolutely extreme ways. And guess whose feelings about Crowley (“the enemy”) fit into the Great Plan? Definitely not Aziraphale’s! This is how you get a hedonistic character who’s ended up denying himself the things - the person, really - he wants the most.


	29. *Visual demonstrations of the move to Our Side

Please allow me to indulge with cinematography for a few minutes here.

In episode 6, when Adam is facing down Satan with Crowley and Aziraphale over each shoulder, there’s a big military building (the barracks, maybe?) behind Adam, helping to frame the shot.

After Satan is vanquished, there’s a quick cut back to the celestials, when the two are suddenly standing right next to each other. At first I thought they must have moved on purpose, but someone made a brilliant Tumblr post indicating that Adam is almost certainly the one who moved them closer together when he rebooted reality, indicating how he sees them!

Visually, the effect is that it looks like Crowley was moved more. If you look at the way they’re framed by the building behind them, Aziraphale is moved slightly left, and Crowley has been moved almost all the way over to the right (which has always represented Aziraphale’s “side” in the series).

First of all, I was wondering if this was intentional. I know, I know, **everything is meant,** but we’ve all been told that we’re wrong for “overanalyzing” fiction, and it’s hard to shake off. But in this case it can be demonstrated to be intentional because if you look at the original storyboards, the cuts are all planned, including the characters’ positions relative to the building.

  


So Crowley had to move more for Aziraphale than vice-versa. That’s not fair! …Right?

Well, I don’t think that’s the end of it. Because later that evening, the two of them have to go back to London, and we get them climbing onto the bus.

First of all, look how in this frame, they are also framed by a building, and there is a window that visually divides the two of them in the middle of the building. This time, instead of a military installation, it’s a church, which has its own connotations for how each Side is represented (Hell/War standing between them vs. Heaven/Belief standing between them).

Crowley reminds Aziraphale that they are on their own side now. They get up to leave, and on the bus, they sit close together and probably hold hands (I have watched a certain gif a lot of times), which is already much closer, physically, than we see them in the entire series.

This screencap (Crowley sitting down on the bus, Aziraphale following close behind) is not the best example from this scene (ideally I should have found something from a second or two later), but I think it conveys the point.

Anyway, they **both choose to sit on the left side of the bus** (it’s the left side for both them and for the audience). This is significant because it has always, always been Crowley’s “side” for the entire series (the only exception is when he’s driving, because you can’t drive an ordinary vehicle in England without being on the right side).

Unlike when Crowley is driving, I don’t think this shot _had_ to be done with the two of them on the left. The bus has windows all over the place, so they could have filmed it from a different angle. We can also see a lot of the bus’s interior, so the two characters could very easily sit on different sides and still both be visible. Also, if their behavior on the bus isn’t meaningful, it might have been easier to just cut that part out entirely.

Given that the notion of “Sides” is such a repeatedly important issue that comes up in Good Omens in visual, verbal, and storyline terms, I really don’t think they’d take an important moment like this and not think carefully about the representation of Sides on the bus. And so the effect of this scene is Aziraphale choosing Crowley’s Side once and for all.

In terms of choosing Sides, it doesn’t matter all that much if the body swap has taken place yet at this point, because the net effect is the same. Assuming that the two are still in their own bodies, then Aziraphale is choosing to sit on the left side of the bus right next to Crowley. Even if Aziraphale is in Crowley’s body, though, he’s still making an active choice to sit on the left side - which, again, he’s _never_ voluntarily done before. And he, as a character, is possibly the most sensitive to the notion of “sides” on the entire show.

In conclusion, the post-Satan moment is a visual representation of Crowley choosing to go to Aziraphale’s side; the bus stop moment is a representation of Aziraphale choosing to go to Crowley’s side. Of course, these decisions are solidified much more obviously later on, numerous times, during the body swap, but these particular moments are relevant because they’re illustrative of what’s going on between the characters before they know exactly what Agnes Nutter’s last prophecy means.

Screencaps are from Danseur_Lion on Livejournal at fyscreencaps. Thank you!


	30. *Tender, connected lines between 1967 and 2018

##  **Tender lines that have deeply connected energy:**

**London, 1967:**

“I’ll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go.”

“You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

**Tadfield, The Bus Stop, 2018:**

“You can stay at my place, if you’d like.”

“I don’t think my side would like that.”

First of all, in 1967, Crowley is using heavily coded language that could mean a variety of things. In 2018, he’s specifically offering _his home._

The holy water from 1967 represented Aziraphale giving a _part_ of himself to Crowley. Shaken by the enormous implications and the danger to Crowley - to both of them, really - Aziraphale had to put the brakes on what they were doing with “you go too fast for me.” Then he left.

But in 2018, after Armageddon, Aziraphale’s statement is more a warning, implying he’s afraid they’re going to be in even worse trouble if he accepts. This time, though, he doesn’t make any move toward leaving, and Crowley reminds Aziraphale that they’re already in deep trouble. Then at some point that night or the next morning, they do the body swap.

In the most literal sense possible as well as a symbolic sense, Aziraphale gives his whole self to Crowley that night, not just a piece. He was afraid that handing over the holy water would end up killing Crowley, but it saved him - and he was afraid that trying to swap corporations would kill both of them, but it saved both of them.

So then, all the stuff about leaving Heaven and choosing Earth was important, but in terms of taking that final step toward a more open relationship, the realization that staying away from Crowley would no longer be a useful tactic for trying to preserve both of their safety is what made the difference.


	31. *Parallels Between the Blitz (1941) and Armageddon (2018)

Twice, Aziraphale had a huge argument with Crowley that ended with them claiming they wouldn’t talk again. Twice, Aziraphale was then soon betrayed by the people he believed in, the people he was working for, the people who were supposed to swoop in and make everything OK again. And twice Crowley rescued books (or one very important book) from the flames for him.

The first time, in 1941, Crowley had arrived in time to rescue Aziraphale’s corporation. The second time, during the bookshop fire, Hell had him waylaid and he was too late. But the book(s) carried the same symbolic meaning both times, so both times he saved them anyway.

When Aziraphale appears to grief-stricken Crowley in that bar and Crowley tells him the bookshop burned down, he’s crushed. But when Crowley says he has Agnes’s book, look how Aziraphale’s demeanor changes! He brightens right up, “You have it?! Oh!”

Theoretically, Aziraphale could use the book to figure out more solutions to Armageddon. But this is not entirely what this moment is about. This is Crowley once again coming through for him; it’s Aziraphale’s second realization that he can be forgiven for the huge fight they had and backed up in his moment of need.

Aziraphale, in the end, doesn’t even seem to care that much about Crowley getting the book itself back to him; the moment Crowley shows up at Tadfield Airbase, the book is a charred mess, which Crowley immediately gives to Anathema except for the one relevant prophecy that the wind conveniently carries to Aziraphale.

Nope. That enthusiasm is Aziraphale’s joy at realizing Crowley is still in this with him - is so much in this with him that he thought to rescue Aziraphale’s most important possessions. And it was a sentimental gesture both times, but the second took the emotion up to 11 because Crowley wasn’t thinking about the usefulness of the book, only its symbolic meaning (that it would be important to Aziraphale and something to remember him by).


	32. Stuff about Crowley's safety

i was wondering why aziraphale just stopped voicing concern for crowley’s safety after 1967.

in 1601, there’s “if hell finds out, they won’t just be angry. they’ll destroy you.” in 1862, there’s “i’m not giving you a suicide pill.” and in 1967, there’s “it won’t just kill your body, it will destroy you completely. but i can’t have you risking your life.” (these are paraphrased.)

after that? nada. not until he’s in crowley’s body, telling heaven and hell to leave him alone. so he clearly hasn’t FORGOTTEN that he was worried about crowley. but during the whole apocalypse debacle, it’s “i’m an angel, i can’t” and “what will heaven say?” not a whisper about hell.

guys don’t get me wrong. aziraphale is scared. he can be a bit cowardly, especially when it comes to facing the truth. he’s worried about his own safety and comfort. he is one of my two favorite characters so i am definitely biased (the other being crowley, of course).

but also…i think, as he starts to notice crowley’s decreasing instinct for self-preservation and increasing indulgence, aziraphale starts using _himself_ as leverage for keeping them apart. like “if you won’t consider your own safety, then we’re going to extra-consider _my_ wishes (which happen to include your safety but if i say that you’ll just double down on trying to get dangerously close to me).”

he only puts his worry on hold when it becomes clear that crowley is his only shot at having a supernatural ally while he tries to help avert armageddon. he’ll ask for crowley’s help with something dangerous - but not for heaven, and not for himself. only for the entire planet.


	33. The vagueness of Agnes's last prophecy

sometimes i think about how vague agnes’s last prophecy was.

especially compared to some of her other prophecies…like…she literally told aziraphale word for word that his cocoa was cold.

and i don’t think you could really say her prophecy was vague because she didn’t understand what she was seeing. with some of them, like the prophecy involving dick turpin, you could see how she’d refer to them in a roundabout way because she was trying to describe objects and places that hadn’t yet been invented and named by her time.

but it should be easy enough to say “if it be true the angel and demon don’t possess each other’s bodies, thy bosses art doing to dunk thee in holiest water and burneth thee to a crispe.”

sure, we don’t know what sort of vision agnes actually had, so it’s possible that she was describing things as clearly as she possibly could.

but i prefer to think that it’s vague on purpose, so it requires crowley and aziraphale to have faith in their own judgement and each other. it means they were choosing to undertake real risks, not confidently marching through their trials with invincibility. because while the prophecy makes perfect sense in hindsight, it seems like the sort of thing that’s mysterious enough that you wouldn’t be sure of it at all before the events actually happened.

all of the misconceptions aziraphale and crowley had - that angels and demons are fundamentally different, that it would hurt them to swap corporations (at least, i think this is one implication of the whole “pity i can’t inhabit yours” bit) - were supernatural in origin, indoctrinated by heaven and hell. so it’s neat that their nudge in the opposite direction should come from a human witch. and if she was divinely inspired, well, i guess that’s only fair.


	34. "I lost my best friend" (does Aziraphale know?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whole thing...and now have sort of changed my thinking about it. You'll find an addendum at the bottom. I suppose it is totally up to interpretation, but I figured I should add on to this chapter with my updated thoughts.

One of the most confusing moments for a lot of people, myself included, is Aziraphale’s reaction to “I lost my best friend.” I’m trying to parse out whether I headcanon that he Knows, and if he does, what his response means.

It turned into a 2000-word-plus analytical post. At first I thought Aziraphale knew, then I thought he didn’t, then I thought he did again. And there are so, so many implications for the whole rest of the story. That one line is such an important moment!

But I’ll put my thoughts behind a read more, for courtesy’s sake.

First of all:

  * Aziraphale definitely thought there was a chance Crowley might still want to help him out after he said he was leaving for Alpha Centauri, because he called Crowley the instant he realized Heaven was determined to destroy Earth. However, on his second contact attempt, he asked if Crowley went to Alpha Centauri. While Aziraphale probably knew, given the circumstances, that Crowley hadn’t literally left the planet, the question was an opportunity for Crowley to get out of helping. Aziraphale had to have given him that opportunity on purpose because **he wasn’t 100% sure** if Crowley would still want to help.
  * Last time Aziraphale called him, Crowley had said it wasn’t a good time to talk. “I’ve got an old friend here.” They didn’t get any time to communicate, but Crowley was playing it as cool as he could. Aziraphale, who…sometimes takes things at face value, could believe that he had an old friend there instead of an enemy.
  * Aziraphale **does not know he’s supposed to be dead.** He doesn’t know the bookshop burned down, and he has no idea about what Crowley went through inside.

All of these things together would lead me to think that no, in that moment, Aziraphale did not know Crowley was talking about him. He reacted as if he might not know, and there are several reasons that he could plausibly not know.

However.

Fast-forward to Tadfield airbase. Aziraphale realizes the best way to compel Crowley to come up with an idea for stopping Satan is to threaten never to speak to him again (or, at least, _remind_ him that if they die now they’re never going to speak again). This would indicate that he does know what Crowley was suggesting back there: that Aziraphale is his best friend, so much so that life isn’t worth living without him. And, conversely, that he might be persuaded life is worth living _for_ him.

This tells us with relatively little doubt that Aziraphale **does** in fact know Crowley’s feelings and that he was the loss Crowley was so upset about.

It’s also worth noting that in the script book, Aziraphale is given a chance to label their relationship when introducing Crowley to Madame Tracy. Aziraphale just says “He’s…well, we’re sort of business associates.” He is still reticent to label Crowley a friend (even though Crowley literally just said they were friends to the army guy). So it’s quite believable that back at the bar, he would have tried to work around accepting the Best Friend moniker from Crowley.

Initially, when Crowley said he “lost his best friend,” Aziraphale had no idea about the bookshop fire, and he probably thought Crowley was referring to their relationship being lost during their argument during the bandstand breakup. As in, the two of them had a fight, Aziraphale said “we’re not friends,” and now they’re not friends anymore. As far as Aziraphale would know, this upset Crowley SO much that he just gave up on living.

This is not flattering. This is disturbing. Aziraphale has been afraid of Crowley getting hurt by their relationship - “whatever you wish to call it” - for **at least** 417 years, first mentioned on-screen in 1601. Is it the only thing Aziraphale has been afraid of? Certainly not. He has been attempting self-preservation as well. But is it important? Without a doubt.

THIS IS KIND OF LIKE AZIRAPHALE’S BURNING BOOKSHOP MOMENT. Crowley isn’t LITERALLY dead, but he’s resigned himself to it…and Aziraphale is blaming himself. That awkward “I’m so sorry to hear it” is, in many ways, Aziraphale trying to keep his shit together. Just as Crowley, in the bookshop, thought he’d caused Aziraphale’s death, Aziraphale thinks Crowley’s death is the final consequence of befriending an angel.

I’d like to keep in mind the one instance in the series when Aziraphale does openly call Crowley a friend. It’s when he’s lying about not having any information about the Antichrist. When reminded to call with any updates, he says, “Of course! We’re friends! Why would you think I wouldn’t?” Given how strategic Aziraphale is trying to be, I think he’s partly nervous and losing track of his lies/accidentally letting the truth slip, and partly trying to butter Crowley up because he knows that if going to Heaven works like he wants it to, Crowley will have to accept their asylum. The one difference between this moment and all the other moments when he denies their friendship (which almost always also involve lying to other people) is at this moment, Aziraphale thinks he’s figured out how to solve Armageddon.

Anyway, Aziraphale promptly goes and feels Heaven out to see if they might just stop the entire war like he wants. When the Archangels turn the conversation to how much they all love smiting the foe, however, Aziraphale backs down and turns his Antichrist discovery into a hypothetical, choosing not to tell Heaven about it right away, either. Here, they’ve reframed Crowley once again as “the foe.” After that, Aziraphale has another fit of indecision, but agrees to meet Crowley at the bandstand, where he suggests, subtly (but not that subtly) that Crowley should join Heaven.

This tells me that he still hopes Heaven might save Earth, but if he’s going to save Crowley alongside Earth, then he’s gonna have to get Crowley on Heaven’s side so that he doesn’t get Smited. He’s so certain at this point this is the only solution that he won’t even let Crowley walk away until Crowley establishes that there is another option besides Heaven.

And that second option - the option to just leave it all and flee to the stars - is what makes Aziraphale decide it’s time to end their Arrangement and deny everything about their relationship instead of simply saying “no, I’m not leaving.” After all, Crowley cited their friendship as the reason they should go off _together_. As far as I can see, the only way this sudden turnaround really makes sense is if Aziraphale is being protective here, trying to remove himself from the equation in the desperate hope that Crowley will make decisions for himself rather than for Aziraphale (who is occasionally dense but is not stupid; he remembers 1862, and 1941, and 1967).

This exchange loops us back to Aziraphale’s probable assumption in the bar that Crowley’s “I lost my best friend” is referring to this fight, NOT to Aziraphale’s presumed death.

“I’m so sorry to hear it.” Almost six months later, I finally believe I have a real interpretation for that phrase. With the context that it’s Crowley explaining that’s why he hasn’t gone to Alpha Centauri to escape from the war between Heaven and Hell, why he’s so devastated, why he’s given up on survival, it’s Aziraphale responding, “I’m sorry you lost something so important to you. I’m sorry I was so important to you. I’m sorry that you decided your life wasn’t worth living without me.”***

But Aziraphale:

  1. Is not going to apologize for the fight itself. He was harsh, but he WAS doing his best, and in this moment, I don’t think he sees any way that he could have avoided it.
  2. Is not going to acknowledge that they’re friends. Right now, he likely still believes Crowley would be better off far away from here. And he also probably believes that calling themselves “friends” remains a bad idea, because while he’s been disabused of the notion that Heaven is worth asking for help, Heaven and Hell and their punishments are STILL looming over them. I have little doubt that Aziraphale’s ideology is playing into this as well - he believes they’re enemies and therefore cannot be classified as friends - but it’s the _threat_ behind that ideology that is motivating him, not that he loves the ideology for its own sake.

Aziraphale always eventually turns to Crowley when he doesn’t know what to do because Crowley is fucking brilliant and also the only being in the universe who actually cares about either Aziraphale or Earth for their own sakes.

However, I’d say he avoided getting Crowley involved until he realized there was absolutely no other option, rather carefully made sure Crowley didn’t _have_ to be involved, and gives Crowley a choice every step of the way on whether he wants to risk his life all the way until the tail end. When they’re sitting at the bus stop and he’s reminding Crowley, “my side wouldn’t like that,” it isn’t only for Aziraphale’s benefit; it is a habit, yes, but he’s likely thinking about how if the Archangels caught him and Crowley living together, they’d definitely smite Crowley because that’s what they love to do. They told him as much during the conversation in Heaven, going as far as to say “Crowley and the others were cast out, but nothing was ever really settled.” They’d love to “settle” things. So would Hell, now. And it is Crowley’s determination to _stay_ that convinces Aziraphale it’s finally okay to believe they’re on their own side.

I think, on that bench in Tadfield, the question of whether it’s time to leave the planet was still hanging over the two of them. After all, they’re now slated for punishment. I think that by saying “I suppose I should get him to drop me off at the bookshop,” Aziraphale was gently informing Crowley that he doesn’t plan to leave Earth - he plans to die here. By saying “I don’t think my side would like that” about Crowley’s idea that they should live together, he’s giving Crowley one more chance to leave for the stars.

_Good Omens_ is about a lot of things. One of them is opposites. Aziraphale’s faulty philosophical assumption is that blending two “opposite” things (or, in this case, people) will destroy them both. As far as he’s concerned, either one of those two people must first change, so that they’re no longer “opposite” (i.e. Crowley rejoins Heaven), or they must not mix (“I need a receptive body. It’s a pity I can’t inhabit yours! But occult, ethereal…we’d probably explode.”) The real truth is that having both of them together is the only way to win, of course. The Earth is a Libra and it thrives on balance, but not _separation_.

All this - the fact that Aziraphale will still ask for help with saving the world but denies his friendship with Crowley and seems to try to stay away as a protective measure - really suggests to me that Aziraphale loves Crowley, cares deeply about him, but wants him to stay only if he’s genuinely going to choose Earth for his own sake, not because he’s trying to choose Aziraphale (who, in his own opinion, is dangerous to be around; see 1601, the Holy Water, the bandstand). What he’s not taking into account is that he, Crowley, and the Earth are united as one, and it’s not only safe for the two of them to choose each other, but it’s essential.

Yeah. Leaving together on the bus is Aziraphale finally _letting_ Crowley choose him.

***A little note about Crowley’s self-worth/will to live…I don’t mean to imply that he doesn’t have any interest in living outside of having a relationship with Aziraphale. Of course he does. But in that moment, with the incomplete information that Aziraphale has, it looks to him like that’s what is being said. In reality, Crowley’s despair isn’t _just_ about not being friends anymore - it’s the belief that Aziraphale is _dead_, permanently gone. When you care a lot about someone, as hard as it is to move on from a breakup, it’s even more difficult to get over the despair of knowing that person is no longer out there at all. Combined with Armageddon, it was too much.

Crowley and Aziraphale are _extremely_ oblivious, and yes, they do have some misunderstandings. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s not their mutual feelings that they’re oblivious to. It’s the fact that they actually do have the power to save each other. It took an act not of divine but of _human_ intervention to get them to understand that.

* * *

**ADDENDUM after taking some time to think:**

See, at first I thought Aziraphale HAD to know he's Crowley's best friend because when it comes down to the End, Aziraphale realizes that “I’m never going to talk to you again” is the thing that’s going to motivate Crowley, more than Crowley’s own life even, and I don’t think he’d believe that of someone who he didn’t understand to care about him awfully deeply. I assumed that must have meant he knew, on some level, that Crowley was talking about him.

Sure, it _could_ have been a gambit, but I didn’t really see the narrative significance of that at the time, and I didn’t think it would just get tossed in there willy-nilly.

Also, Crowley had suggested they run away together. Logic would state that makes Aziraphale the most important being in Crowley’s life, since he’s willing to give up _everything but him_.

But…I’ve been rereading the script a lot lately, and noting how literal Aziraphale tends to be, and how much importance he puts on _words_. That’s what makes him gullible even though he’s really smart and extremely capable of twisting words himself. So while it might be far-fetched for most people to believe their six-thousand-year love interest who just proposed they run away together could have some random “best friend” they’ve never heard of, it actually would follow Aziraphale’s pattern of behavior quite well for him to instantly pair the word “friend” in his head with whoever Crowley was with the last time Aziraphale called.

Pair that with joan-daardvark's observation about timing, the fact that Aziraphale does have time between now and the end of the world to figure things out (e.g. discovering the bookshop fire) and make his choice at the airbase, and I might be leaning more in your “he doesn’t know” direction now.

I don’t think it’s _meant_ to be clear, since the whole moment is very confusing for the characters and it makes sense to pass that sensation on to the viewer. But I do think it’s worth analyzing anyway.


	35. *The Wall Slam and Crowley's Niceness

This morning, I saw a gif of the Wall Slam and got extra stuck in my feelings about it, so have a long and extremely shippy ramble.

When I’ve been thinking about Episode 2 in the past, I’ve realized that Crowley and Aziraphale are more anxious than I thought they were this whole time. I figured Crowley was already starting to think about what plan B (technically plan C at this point) was going to be, but Aziraphale likely had that on his mind, too. I think this is where they started earnestly considering the ideas that they will finally put forth at the bandstand: Crowley is already thinking about running away entirely, and Aziraphale…is thinking about looking to Heaven for his answers.

Aziraphale is usually cautious. So for him to ask Crowley to miracle the paint off his coat and then just say “thank you!!!” like he does is unusual. In the past, signs of affection and “thank you”s have been seen as dangerous - by both of them - so why suddenly be so brazen about it?

And then, again, announcing that Crowley is NICE, which does goad Crowley into action…

Yes, there’s definitely some last-minute panic here, they’re sort of trying to hold themselves together at the seams as their plans for dealing with Armageddon fall apart and they face the fact that this could really be the end for them.

However, I think the issues on their minds are already pushing them in certain directions. And at this moment, I personally think Aziraphale is trying to nudge Crowley toward The “Good Guys’ Side,” aka Heaven, because they aren’t making much progress with the Antichrist, and he’s hoping God can just swoop in and solve all his problems, including how to keep Crowley safe. So, in this place brimming with love, he decides to start pushing - ask for a good deed, get Crowley accustomed to the idea of being nice…

…and just as Aziraphale seems to be getting frustrated with the feeling that Crowley might be giving up, Crowley probably suspects that Aziraphale is hinting in Heaven’s direction. He’s cool with being a bit indulgent, but it does get to be too much. I have an Interpretation for the body language during this scene now:

[Originally posted by bigmamag](https://tmblr.co/Znh6Ly2icI1ja)

**Crowley:** “This is wildly unfair. You know how badly I want you, so stop taunting me from across this invisible barrier you’ve set up. I’m angry because I’m hurt and I mean it when I say that aligning with _your side_ is literally impossible - and even if it wasn’t, it’s not who I am. Please stop asking me to be what I’m not. That’s just rejection by another name. (And yet I still want to be close to you, no matter how angry we are.)”

**Aziraphale:** “But I don’t understand why it should be impossible. I believe in you. You’re already the person you need to be; all you need to do is accept it. What you’re calling a barrier wasn’t my choice, but you’re already through it anyway, so close I can almost taste you. I get the feeling you’d do anything for me, so why not this? For me? (Because I want you badly, too, but I don’t see how we’re going to make it otherwise.)”

Sister Mary’s interruption gets them both thinking there might be a chance to not have to deal with this and just deal directly with the Antichrist instead.

Worth noting: in the script book, this scene takes place after the one where Crowley asks if Aziraphale thinks Heaven would grant him asylum, and Aziraphale comments that he was “about to ask you the same thing.” They’re thinking about it.

(Disclaimer - we all know Aziraphale is wrong and his attitudes are based in what is the celestial equivalent of internalized bigotry/indoctrination by a religious cult. He’ll find out he’s wrong about Heaven having all the answers very soon. I am still interested in dissecting his motivations, though.)

EDIT (I realized this after writing the above):

Aziraphale calls Crowley “nice,” and that word has always stood out to fans.

But you know who else Aziraphale calls “nice” in significant moments, during a couple of series turning points?

**“I’m the nice one.”**

HIMSELF. AS AN ANGEL. _Aziraphale aligns that word specifically with angels._


	36. *Summing Up the Dynamic

so like

if i had to sum it up, The Dynamic, i guess maybe i’d say

aziraphale **is** crowley’s home, a person who is also a place of comfort and hospitality and consistency. he’s always been hesitant about getting involved with crowley in a working context, but he’s always been won over by the prospect of sharing the comforts of earth together. he’s created a space in the bookshop where crowley seems frankly more comfortable than in his own apartment. and he’s been quietly watching over crowley for centuries, always the voice of caution when they’re scheming, keeping tabs on crowley enough to intervene the one time he planned something aziraphale thought was too dangerous.

BUT aziraphale has this spark of free will within him, evident from the moment he decided adam and eve deserved the protection of the flaming sword he’d spend the next six thousand years feigning ignorance about. that spark is something crowley admires, relates to, and connects with right away. so while aziraphale is a home, he’s not a home he’s stuck in when he has nowhere else to go; he’s a home crowley chose with purpose and enthusiasm.

and crowley **is** aziraphale’s freedom, the one who gives a voice to all the things fear held back, the one who drew aziraphale away from heaven’s clutches (so respectfully, so patiently, and always with the understanding that it’s what aziraphale was hoping for) and helped him develop an actual whole-ass identity aside from merely “one more soldier angel in an army of millions.” by tempting eve, crowley gave aziraphale the world he loves so much. heck, he literally broke aziraphale’s chains in france, and destroyed a church in which aziraphale was surrounded by enemies.

BUT he’s also a force of comfort and patience, evident starting from his friendliness on the wall of eden and going on for talk after talk, favor after favor over the millennia. he’s always been there and always will, has a sort of hearth-like ember by which comfort-loving aziraphale can warm himself. crowley might be freedom…but he’s not a cold freedom like having nothing left to lose; he’s a warm freedom like a pair of wings unfurling.


	37. The really intense thing about "you go too fast for me"

the really intense thing about “you go too fast for me” is that it’s not just one thing

it’s “i’m a guardian and i was meant for stability, all of this change is overwhelming”

it’s also “you’re too reckless with yourself”

it’s also “if we ever got out of this, i’d want what you want, but i can’t go making decisions until we know how we’re going to do it (we might never figure it out)”

the line contains that plausible deniability (aziraphale’s bread and butter of deceiving heaven) of “it’s about driving” but literally nothing about the way it’s presented - not the context, not the cinematography, not the delivery - indicate that it’s really so surface-level. it’s like…the inverse of sarcasm, a phrase dripping with sincerity.

actually, if you DO wrap it in to crowley’s driving, it adds another layer to scenes where aziraphale is afraid in the car. “you’ll get us both killed– inconveniently discorporated.” because in those moments, yes, there’s the immediate concern that something inconvenient could happen. but actually, having them “both killed” IS the overarching anxiety here that they can’t state out loud, isn’t it? that pushing things forward, taking what aziraphale sees as risks is going to get them both killed for real.

none of it has ever _only_ been about driving. not even the driving is _only_ about driving.

of course. from crowley’s perspective, the really dangerous thing is being too slow about it. and that’s what his speeding habits are about.


	38. Aziraphale being both indirect and gullible

oh

one of the funny and tragic things about aziraphale is how he’s such a profoundly indirect person (out of necessity!) but also very gullible and tends to take things at face value (you can see it in his dealings with heaven, but the nazis actually say it out loud). in a conversation with himself, aziraphale probably wouldn’t pick up what was actually being said between the lines…because he’d be assuming that what came out of his mouth was the straightforward truth.

he must have some mixed feelings about himself because he KNOWS he lies a lot but tends to assume everyone else is telling the truth.

and i was wondering how this beautiful, awkward being could possibly carry on this subtle, guileful dance with crowley for so many centuries while being so…naive, i guess, in a lot of ways.

it goes back to the episode 3 cold open. this is one of the reasons why it’s so important that crowley and aziraphale already went through all the stuff they did! that sequence of events is more than just an explanation of how they got to where they are now. aziraphale needed those learning opportunities to figure out that crowley can sometimes say things he doesn’t mean and possibly even leave when he gets hurt…but will also come back around, like he did in the church in 1941 after the holy water breakup in 1862.

the 1862 -1941-1967 events are close parallels to the events of armageddon (bandstand breakup - burning bookshop - body swap). it’s because of his inherent gullibility, his belief in crowley’s anger and assumption that heaven is right about the two of them being hereditary enemies, that aziraphale believes crowley might leave earth without him if he’s thorough enough in denying their connection. but it’s because of their past experiences together that aziraphale realizes there’s still a chance he could get crowley’s help with saving the world once it becomes clear that heaven really wants the world to burn.


	39. *Psycho-Philosophy I: Individualism and Collectivism

I swear I wasn’t taking any mind-altering substances while I wrote this. It’s very heavy and I’m not sure anyone will enjoy it, but I felt like I had to get it out.

And now it’s too long to be just one part. Here is the first part anyway.

It’s established that Aziraphale and Crowley symbolize the “opposing” sides of human nature, but I have a pretty difficult time with believing that they actually represent “good” and “evil.” THEY believe they represent “good” and “evil.” But even before the two of them develop their humanity by spending time on Earth, before they start to affect each other, they both have philosophies that are far more complicated than just “do good things/be helpful” or “do bad things/be hurtful.”

Before you can be “good,” you need a definition of “good.” And the same goes for “evil.” And I absolutely do not think that the characters’ personal definitions of “good” and “evil” match with the _narrative’s_ definitions of “good” and “evil” (which I’m not strictly sure it really has). So…what might they represent more closely?

In extremely broad terms based more in dictionary definitions than in the finer points of academic philosophy, I’d cast Crowley as the individualist and Aziraphale as the collectivist. Individualism is the prioritizing of the individual’s interests over a group’s interests. Collectivism is the prioritizing of a group’s interests over the individual’s interests.

Obviously, this is heavily informed by abuse from their Sides. Hell motivates its demons to behave by making them fear for their own souls using physical intimidation. Temptations are also usually focused on taking advantage of some selfish motivation in humans. Heaven, meanwhile, motivates its angels with the promise of the Greater Good, intimidates its angels with the belief that disobedience is out of line with the Greater Good, and shames its angels for acting with any sort of personal interest.

“What?!” you say. You’re going to cast Crowley, the guy who initially hatched the plan to try to save the world at great personal risk, as the self-centered individualist, and Aziraphale, the hedonist who’s just about ready to watch the world burn at Heaven’s command until Crowley buys him lunch, as the collectivist one?!

Well…in a way. Because while the characters believe they represent these ideas, and while they genuinely buy into them on some level, the whole point is that the two viewpoints taken to extremes end up looking awfully similar. They also rely on each other, no matter how much they try not to.

I should clarify a few things before arguing any more.

  1. The perceived “selflessness” of collectivism is sometimes idealized, and that’s why it maps onto the supposed “goodness” of Heaven, but it doesn’t actually _mean _kindness, compassion, or goodness. It means _not considering oneself_ \- including one’s own identity, preferences, or moral conscience. Likewise, the perceived “selfishness” of individualism is often vilified and gets cast as evil, which is why it maps onto Hell, but all it really means is placing one’s own perspective at the utmost importance, which can be beneficial depending on who’s doing it.
  2. I’ve seen some incredibly smart commentary on the Good Omens book being a just-barely-post-Cold War novel comparing, among other things, Capitalism (heavy on individualism) and Communism (heavy on collectivism). I thought the analysis I read was brilliant, it told me a lot that I had not thought of before, and I would love to read more. **But that’s not what I want to talk about here.**
  3. In this essay, I’m really sticking to the terms “individualism” and “collectivism” as they inform the psychologies of individual people (Crowley and Aziraphale). I’m trying to have a discussion that I think is important, because it’s important for humans to have a healthy notion of how individuals fit into their relationships and communities, but my commentary is much more vague and not tied to a specific moment in history. I’m frankly not very qualified to talk about the Cold War, anyway.
  4. Crowley and Aziraphale are a couple of paradoxes. At least, they’re paradoxes until they discover Earth as their true allegiance, at which time they just become two balanced angels of neither Heaven nor Hell.

**CROWLEY’S PHILOSOPHY**

Crowley knows he’s supposed to represent Hell and the kind of self-interested desperation that drives people to damnation - a kind of extreme individualism. But he’s been condensed into an Earthly being who’s formed relationships and preferences and loves and, gosh, although he wouldn’t admit it, a conscience. Unlike Aziraphale, he’s much more OK with this sense of identity, because individualism is not incompatible with being, well, an individual. But he does struggle with the fact that he’s supposed to be working toward The End Of All Things for his own self-preservation when his real wish is for The Continuation Of All Things.

Most of Crowley’s decisions are framed from his own personal opinions. He approaches the world as he sees fit, which includes accepting his job of damning souls because he has to or he’ll get destroyed. He does what he needs to survive, so you could say he “answers to the higher power of Hell for self-interested reasons,” but for _moral_ purposes, Crowley does not answer to anyone. Interestingly, though, he DOES have a conscience based in his own feelings.

By personality (not because he serves some moral power but because it’s just his personal preference), Crowley does not like certain kinds of cruelty. He’s willing to do his job, but he doesn’t enjoy taking free will away from people, for example. And in most cases, outright violence (like Hastur turning into a pile of worms and eating the telemarketers alive) is not something Crowley is into, either. In this case, the fact that he’s self-motivated means he has enough imagination to grasp what it’s like to be another person, and while he’s willing to upset people/give people the opportunity to damn themselves/generally be inconsiderate in public, Crowley simply does not enjoy the experience of destroying others without giving them a choice.

Oh, and we can’t forget: “You’re supposed to test them, but not to destruction.” It’s Crowley’s personal feelings that lead him to believe Armageddon shouldn’t happen, and Crowley’s personal feelings that lead him to act out against Hell.

With all that said, Crowley feels a profound love for the world and Aziraphale (whether he’ll admit it or not) because he really enjoys it on Earth, and he wants to keep enjoying it. Therefore, all of his “individualism” ends up working in the favor of the “greater good” anyway. In the end, Crowley temporarily loses hope and stops fighting, but by this point, he’s already had his positive effect.

It’s kind of like Terry Pratchett’s powerful quotation about witches being selfish. _“All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours!”_ Maybe it’s not so intentional on Crowley’s part, but the outcome of his love for Earth and his bond with Aziraphale ends up serving the interests of others.

Crowley’s journey involves a less drastic change than Aziraphale’s. Once he thinks it’s possible to fight for the world and survive, he doesn’t have a single qualm about it, because he answers to his own standards, not anyone else’s.

**AZIRAPHALE’S PHILOSOPHY**

Aziraphale, on the other hand, has to basically figure out that it’s a good thing to use his own judgment instead of Heaven’s. In doing so, he has to rewrite his belief system and even rework his identity.

Aziraphale knows he’s supposed to represent the collective, Heaven, the Greater Good. But he’s been condensed into an Earthly being who’s formed relationships and preferences and loves and a conscience and an identity of his own. At first, this feels wrong to him, because many of his personal interests go against Heaven’s. It’s why he’s so incredibly good at repressing and denying; he has this sense of Self but doesn’t believe he’s entitled to it and doesn’t realize there is any way to separate from Heaven, so as far as he knows, to allow this Self to grow and flourish would ultimately be extremely painful and potentially dangerous. You can tell the other angels aren’t happy with his sense of self, either, as far as he allows it to go (see: any interaction in the bookshop, Gabriel’s behavior over the sushi).

Aziraphale is so oriented toward the Heavenly collective that he literally denies himself his own judgments, his own opinions. He’s convinced that Heaven is the Greater Good, so he accepts that as reality no matter how absurdly wrong their actions might seem to someone with an iota of common sense. He has not been allowed to have an opinion on it, and he will not form one now. He does intensely enjoy performing altruism and does not approve of Heaven’s plans to drown all of Mesopotamia and turn Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt, but he will even push aside the satisfaction of kindness and the fear of cruelty if he’s told that his feelings don’t fit within the Great Plan.

It’s important to note that as far as Aziraphale believes, the existence of Hell and the work that Crowley is doing for Hell is in fact part of the Great Plan. He says as much to the Archangels when they bully him outside his bookshop.

Aziraphale is enthusiastic and adoring about life on Earth and about humans - and about Crowley! And oh, he does indulge. But he sees this all in a rather passive way, at least at first. He is simply enjoying the world and allowing the Great Plan to unfold. He does not think he has the right or ability to defend the world from Heaven’s judgment, even though he wants to. So, like Crowley’s self-orientation coming full circle to serve the interests of others, Aziraphale’s orientation toward the collective comes full circle to become very self-serving.

**THE TWO TOGETHER**

Enter Crowley’s judgment. Crowley is really fantastic company, but I think the _specific _thing he did in the long run was to help Aziraphale see that his own desires and judgments matter. Even when Aziraphale temporarily disavowed their relationship, Crowley’s influence was strong - would the Aziraphale who was standing on the Wall of Eden, or the Aziraphale who witnessed the Great Flood, have chased Gabriel around asking if the war was necessary, or would he have called the Metatron to argue everyone could be saved? Even when Aziraphale doesn’t actually ask questions, these interactions are an assertion of Aziraphale’s own feelings and judgments when he’s being told to be quiet and fall in line. And I really do not think he would have made these assertions before his long Arrangement with Crowley. In this way, Crowley gave Aziraphale the world and the gift of Being Himself.

As for Crowley, he doesn’t care about any Great Plan and thinks Heaven’s will is positively odious, but Aziraphale is convinced that the cosmic dance between the two of them is just ineffable. By playing along with that notion, Crowley allows it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The meaning of Crowley’s existence goes from “just make everyone as miserable as possible” to “balance out Aziraphale” which really means “create a world that doesn’t suck as much as Heaven or Hell, which are both insufferable.” In this way, Aziraphale gave Crowley the world and the gift of Being Part of Something.


	40. *Psycho-Philosophy II: Two Halves

You can look at Crowley and Aziraphale as two halves of human nature as well as two individual beings. The conflict for the two of them is, in a way, how each has become _more than half a person_ during their time here on Earth.

That’s not what the Heavenly and Hellish military machines wanted.

Within the narrative, I think they map onto two halves of Adam Young’s mind (and in turn, his are thoughts that have occurred to any human who’s become angry with The Way Things Are, but most humans are not also Antichrists).

On one hand - the right hand, if I know my tropes - we have the Greater Good Adam, the side of Adam that wants to seize the world for the Them because they know they can make it better. This is the side Heaven represents, and more specifically, it’s the side Aziraphale represents; doesn’t it remind you a little of Aziraphale trying to convince Crowley to join Heaven? This side is thoroughly convinced it works for the Greater Good; both Adam and Aziraphale genuinely believe their way is going to be better for everyone. But it’s not right, either, because Crowley and the Them do not consent to be a part of it.

On the left hand, we have Self-Centered Adam, the Adam who argues that he has the power to give himself and his friends anything they want and argues they should rule the world just because it would be great fun. This is the side Hell represents, and the side Crowley represents. This is a desperate side, an angry side, a side that wants to preserve exactly the things it values and not bother with all the rest. We’re going to flounce off to Alpha Centauri? What about the world? It doesn’t matter. We’re going to take over the world? What about everyone else? They don’t matter.

These two sides of Adam, the Heavenly and the Hellish, are both ready to either reshape beyond recognition or destroy the world. What changes his mind almost immediately, what works on both “sides” of Adam to make him realize he absolutely must preserve the world as it is now, is the realization that he’s about to lose his friends, his family, his home.

This is exactly what had united Aziraphale and Crowley, too. Adam’s is the love that pushed Heaven and Hell back from the Earth. And Aziraphale and Crowley’s is the love that pushed Heaven and Hell back from Their Side.

But now how about the interaction between the two Sides, if Aziraphale and Crowley are representative of each, respectively?

Well, in Adam, the Greater Good - the collectivist mindset, if you will - realizes that it would be wrong to take away his friends’ free will, and by extension everyone else’s. The only way anyone can have a meaningful relationship is through choice; it’s their individuality that has made them the people the loves, who love him in return. So the collectivist side comes to appreciate the individual, just as Aziraphale turned to Crowley when he realized Heaven wasn’t going to help. As you can see, Adam loves many individual people, and Aziraphale has loved Crowley for a long time, but there’s a difference between loving someone and accepting their free will.

(Aside: perhaps Aziraphale’s decision to finally join with Crowley is not just about the Sides. Perhaps it’s him finally accepting free will for real, after watching Adam choose his own fate. Maybe that’s what helps him believe that Crowley is allowed to choose to take risks, that even if Aziraphale thinks he’s supposed to be the protector in the relationship, he can let Crowley take this particular risk.)

Adam’s self-centered side - the individualist mindset, if you will - realizes that all the things he thought didn’t matter at first go into making his friends and family and home what they are. They’re the things he loves because of the world around them. So the individual comes to appreciate the collective, just like Crowley makes amends with humanity as he drives that flaming Bentley down the M25. As you can see, Adam loves Tadfield, and Crowley has loved the world for a long time, but there’s a difference between loving something and having faith in it.

(Aside: maybe Crowley’s decision to put his faith in Adam is based on his realization that his individual lack of control over a situation doesn’t necessarily spell doom. Maybe it harks back to his total loss of control in the bookshop fire, and the fact that Aziraphale came back, and then Adam even gave Aziraphale his corporation back.)

Hmm. I wonder what this means for our angel and demon, then. Is each of them stuck being unbalanced, representing only a half, forever?

I don’t really think so. At least, not as much as Heaven and Hell would like them to be.

Aziraphale might represent the half of the human mind who interfaces with the world, the collective - the “moral” half that defines itself in relation to others, as well as the half that is willing to put faith in others and avoid taking charge. Crowley is the half of the mind that is the sense of self and self-interest, the half that wants to be in control. But things get more complicated than that as Aziraphale starts to further develop his own sense of self and Crowley starts to develop concerns about the world outside.

So you could say there are two Self-orientations and two Collective-orientations here: the Self-orientation that Crowley _represents_ and the growing Self-orientation _within_ Aziraphale, as well as the Collective-orientation that Aziraphale _represents_ and the growing Collective-orientation _within_ Crowley.

These identities were growing within the two characters all along. Right from the beginning, Aziraphale started using his own judgement, albeit in halting little steps, when he gave the flaming sword away to those individual humans, while Crowley started worrying about the big picture, encouraging Eve to eat the apple and questioning whether it must all be part of the Ineffable Plan, albeit without any real commitment yet.

See, Heaven and Hell are abusive. For hundreds of years (thousands, if you count pre-Arrangement times), Crowley and Aziraphale create “holding spaces” for each other, where each can safely enact parts of themselves that they would like to explore but are unsafe in the contexts of their Sides. Crowley gets to be heroic, gets to be a part of something good outside himself. Aziraphale gets to ask for things, gets to be protected, gets to be identified as an individual.

I’d say the body swap is a concrete sign of growth in more ways than one. The relationship growth is significant, but alongside it, there’s a lot of individual growth, and I think some of that is the indicator that they have successfully reconciled each other’s philosophies and internalized the ideas within their own identities. In other words, Aziraphale now doesn’t fully have to be dependent on Crowley to help him act according to his own free will (which means choosing Crowley!), and Crowley doesn’t have to rely on Aziraphale to connect him to the Greater Good (which means choosing the world!). They still help each other out a great deal - see the trials in Heaven and Hell, and the long afternoon spent chatting and lounging away together - but they’re less codependent and more interdependent now. This puts the two of them in greater harmony and, I think, increases their ability to enjoy each other.


	41. *Psycho-Philosophy III: Id, Ego, Superego

During this next part I’m going to try to figure out which actual parts of the mind Aziraphale and Crowley might represent. Yes, Freud makes an appearance.

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a discussion about real-world psychological science. It’s about theoretical constructs which make appearances in fiction. Psychoanalysis started as a real-world theory and some people still swear by it, but I don’t. It has made its way into art and literature as well, where I do happen to think it’s interesting and useful.

Summary for people who aren’t familiar with the terms: psychoanalytical theory, a controversial and outdated theory started by Freud and pervasive in literature that involves psychological symbolism, suggests that the human mind is made up of:

  1. **the id** (totally subconscious, basic drives and instincts, wholly selfish and short-sighted)
  2. **the superego** (mostly unconscious but often sort of within a person’s awareness; the sense of morality, the “ideals” that adhere to social rules)
  3. **the ego** (a long-suffering construct which is constantly trying to moderate between id and superego AND cope with the limitations of reality, and which houses the conscious portion of the mind as well as a bunch of unconscious processes).

I do get an “id/ego/superego” feeling from _Good Omens_. The self-orientation of Crowley is sort of id-like, and the idealism of Aziraphale is sort of superego-like, and the balance of Adam is sort of ego-like.

But critical thought is too central to Crowley’s character for me to be convinced he actually represents the chaos of the id; in a way, he’s really the opposite. Meanwhile, Aziraphale doesn’t trust his own judgment enough to symbolize the superego, and judgment is pretty much the whole point of the superego!

You probably could refer to the roiling, short-sighted chaos of Hell as representative of the human id. And you could probably refer to the rigid rule-mongering of Heaven as the superego. In that sense, with Aziraphale and Crowley as their “representatives” on Earth who agree to balance the two forces, the pair of them actually represent just…the ego.

And you know what the ego is supposed to have in spades to help it cope with all the conflict it has to survive? Defense mechanisms.

I bet we’ll recognize these defense mechanisms in our favorite angel and demon. The concepts can get a bit murky and have been given different names over the years, but I’m sure you’re familiar with the following notions, many of which our protagonists use at some point (ninety percent of the time, it’s Aziraphale who’s doing this, but Crowley has his moments):

  * **repression:** it’s carried different meanings over the years. now it usually refers to the notion that an individual knows something about themselves is true, but holds it back or perhaps carefully ignores it. could be anything from a total denial of the truth to the resolution that this truth has to be buried.
  * **projection:** having an unacceptable thought or urge but assuming that the object of the thought or urge is actually the one who is experiencing it.
  * **rationalization:** a behavior that would normally be unacceptable is explained away in a way that makes it sound entirely justified, if not superior.
  * **splitting:** thinking only in extremes, being unable to reconcile between the positive and negative qualities of oneself or other people.
  * **reaction formation:** having an unacceptable thought or impulse and then acting out the opposite behavior in a very exaggerated manner.
  * **regression:** reverting to a previous stage of development to deal with anxiety instead of taking steps toward a more adaptive way of coping, often because the adaptive way of coping scares the person somehow.
  * **displacement:** trying to meet a socially unacceptable urge by replacing an unsafe behavior with a safe one. not unlike sublimation, but the “safe” behavior is usually not very constructive.
  * **sublimation:** channeling a socially unacceptable urge into one that is actually healthy and productive.

Note that in this context, “unacceptable thought or urge” sounds really severe and judgmental, but it just means a person perceives their thought or urge is somehow problematic. It _might_ be morally offensive, and it could apply to thoughts or urges that are severe. But it might also just be that the person recognizes that if they were to accept the thought, it would be emotionally painful, or if they were to act on the urge, other people might think badly of them for it.

These aren’t ALL of the defense mechanisms, but it’s some of the ones that I think appear in _Good Omens_. Maybe I’ll do a post highlighting when I think they appear for Aziraphale and Crowley as individuals.

But for this post, I’m looking at them as a mind united.

If you view them as a mind united, Crowley is the part of a person that wants to move forward, that wants to be true to itself, that wants to be happy. He does represent base desires, in a way, but he’s informed by a logic that is not compatible with the rest of Hell. And Aziraphale is the part of a person that follows the rules, that is trying to be safe, trying to keep itself alive in a world that is frequently unkind to those who are genuine. To simplify matters greatly, you could say Crowley leans toward seeking happiness for the two of them while Aziraphale leans toward seeking safety, although of course they try their best for both and neither wants to see them end up unhappy or unsafe.

It does tie back to individualism and collectivism as well, with Crowley representing desires related to the Self and Aziraphale being highly concerned with those outside, the Collective, in terms of what they will think and what they will do to the Self.

The two of them operating as two halves of a whole is a fascinating thing, because there’s absolutely no question that they do! But they don’t always seem to know it, especially Aziraphale. After all, he cuts Crowley off twice: in 1862 and at the bandstand. He also very strongly refuses responsibility for losing the Antichrist child, and leaves Crowley out of the decision-making process when he locates Agnes Nutter’s book. In all of these situations, Crowley trusts him to be on “their side,” and in all of these situations, Aziraphale pulls away. It appears that he doesn’t understand them as a cohesive unit until the very end.

…Right?

Sort of.

Aziraphale views them as a cohesive unit within the Great Plan, and he thinks that their role is to oppose each other, not to work in harmony. Because he is not individuated enough to figure out how he can separate from Heaven, Aziraphale believes that bonding too closely will destroy Crowley, since if Crowley comes into contact with Heaven, they will Smite him, and if Hell finds out about Aziraphale, they’ll also destroy Crowley. It’s sort of like Aziraphale is that anxious, repressive, protective instinct that’s coating the outside of their psyche, trying to protect it from both the cruelty of the outside world and the impulses deep inside.

So really, Aziraphale has always seen them in terms of a duality, too. It’s just that he starts off thinking they absolutely must be characterized as enemies and orbiting each other at a distance rather than characterized as a partnership.

Aziraphale’s “breakups” with Crowley always involve multiple motivations. He’s usually afraid of getting caught “fraternizing,” yes. He does represent the part of a person who genuinely wants to connect with the collective, and Aziraphale believes he’s upholding the Greater Good by keeping to this model of behavior as well. But the breakups are also protective gestures toward Crowley. They keep him away from Heaven and/or Hell. It’s the same way that people usually suppress or repress their emotional needs - yes, people want to belong, they want to be accepted and play by the rules, but they’re also trying to protect themselves from being hurt by others.

And in this context, Crowley, the individualist and the one who always encourages Aziraphale to think independently, is a very important part of the Self that their metaphorical ego is trying to protect. I suspect that if Aziraphale thought his behaviors would not have consequences for Crowley, he’d be acting very differently indeed, just like humans don’t hold back from pleasure when they don’t believe experiencing it will be dangerous.

The other ways that Aziraphale rejects their partnership, by refusing responsibility for the loss of the Antichrist and by keeping Agnes Nutter’s book a secret, are attempts at maintaining control, not because he’s a controlling individual - in fact, I’d say Aziraphale is happiest when he doesn’t feel like he’s expected to be in control - but because he thinks he can make the two of them safer that way. If Aziraphale accepts responsibility for losing the Antichrist, it weakens his argument that they are on opposite sides. And if he tells Crowley where the Antichrist is, he can’t involve Heaven in their plans because that would be dangerous for Crowley - and yet, he’s convinced that somehow, Heaven is going to swoop in and _save everyone_.

Aziraphale’s gambit at the bandstand to try and convince Crowley to join Heaven is rather like an individual human being trying to bargain with themselves that they’ll genuinely change something deep down inside so they can be themselves _and_ be socially acceptable. It involves quite a bit of projection, reaction formation, and an attempt at sublimation that doesn’t go very well. The final act of “breaking up” with Crowley is sort of like the defensive part of the ego realizing that if it accepts its urges any longer, it’s going to do something dangerous, so it regresses, represses, and denies a core part of the Self.

Going back to the superego concept up there: the superego is the “ideal” self. If you view Heaven as a kind of superego symbol, and Aziraphale as the superego’s representative, then his allegiance to Heaven broke when he finally realized that Heaven does not match Aziraphale’s own ideal self. He no longer identifies with them. And he no longer thinks either Crowley or humanity should, either.

If Crowley and Aziraphale are an ego formation, then by the end of the story, they’ve negotiated a healthier superego than Heaven.

Like I said in the previous essays, and as Michael Sheen so eloquently explained, you can’t simply divide these two into a pair of halves. They each have a little bit of the other - the thing that the other represents - in them. They are each a complete person, an individual with a relationship to the collective, who has a number of issues, and each ends up reconciling those issues by the end of the story (Aziraphale has a bit more to do than Crowley, but Crowley does work himself out in some ways, too). But the notion of teamwork, of complementing sides and the fact that their differences make them strong when they work together, doesn’t go away.


	42. *"Don't say that."

**Aziraphale, at the Globe, after Crowley first calls the Arrangement what it is:**

**“Don’t say that.”**

Aziraphale doesn’t want to give the Arrangement a name. Naming the Arrangement both acknowledges that there is another specific set of rules they’re loyal to, and also implies that it’s an ongoing thing.

Why is this a problem? For one thing, Aziraphale is supposed to be loyal to Heaven’s specific set of rules - the Great Plan. By naming the Arrangement, they’re challenging Aziraphale’s loyalty to Heaven on a _rhetorical_ level rather than just an incidental level. It adds another duty instead of being something Aziraphale can pursue “off-duty.” It changes his self-perception (which is already a difficult issue for Aziraphale) from “angel who _sometimes_ bends the rules in a way that doesn’t technically break them” to “angel who _always_ has multiple loyalties.”

In truth, Aziraphale doesn’t like every choice Heaven makes, but he does think they know what they’re doing, he does think he has a responsibility to them…and he is _afraid_ of them.

We also know that language/rhetoric matters to Aziraphale possibly more than to the average person.

Also of great importance to Aziraphale is the fact that _naming the Arrangement would also rewrite Crowley’s supposed loyalty to Hell_, and as Aziraphale explains, this is life-threatening for Crowley. Crowley is no longer just being a bit disobedient on occasion. He’s actively committing treason against a brutal dictatorship.

**Crowley, in the Bastille, after Aziraphale says “I suppose I should say thank you”:**

**“Don’t say that.”**

Similarly to naming the Arrangement, saying “thank you” would officially label Crowley’s deed as a Good Deed, which is dangerous for him.

However, I do not think this is actually an immediate danger (they’re alone in a frozen moment of time, after all). It’s interesting that Crowley is the one who wants to name the Arrangement, which is equally if not more dangerous than accepting responsibility for one tiny good deed, but won’t accept a minimally-risky “thank you.”

I think instead of actively worrying after his own safety in this very moment, he may be sort of asking Aziraphale to accept that Crowley has no choice but to do his job. This exchange happens right after Aziraphale asks if he’s responsible for all the violence here in France because Crowley received (and accepted) a commendation for it. Crowley is basically saying “yeah I took that commendation for all these people getting beheaded because my bosses require me to be Bad and I’d be dead if I didn’t.”

This also explains why Crowley has that sort of patiently-indulgent look on his face 225 years later at the former site of St. Beryl’s when Aziraphale just outright says “thank you.” There is actually a HUGE amount of baggage behind that tiny phrase, and he’s a bit emotional about it, but knows Aziraphale means well, as he did when he offered a “thank you” in the Bastille.

The two “Don’t say that” incidents highlight differences between the characters and some of the main conflicts that have to be resolved between them. Aziraphale is caught up in the Grand Scheme of Things, with torn loyalties as well as anxiety about what is going to preserve Crowley in the long run. He doesn’t see their situations changing safely and believes they need to steal what moments they can from within the framework of the rules that have been set by the Great Plan. Trying to go against the Great Plan, he thinks, will get them annihilated. He sees no choice but to obey and to choose to be optimistic about believing the whole thing will end up working out for the best, since the only alternatives are death or eternal misery.

Crowley, on the other hand, is concerned about what’s going on immediately between the two of them. He believes that as two individuals rather than parts of two collectives, they can definitely outsmart Heaven and Hell, and only cares about Aziraphale being able to accept him for who he is.


	43. *Aziraphale and the stars in Soho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually ended up being a LONG discussion involving contributions from a lot of people. You can look at the original thread on Tumblr here:  
https://ineffable-endearments.tumblr.com/post/189384959029/aethelflaedladyofmercia
> 
> In order to avoid confusion, I'm not copying over anyone else's comments, only my own. But if you're interested I'd really recommend taking a look at what other people are saying. Tumblr users guardian-of-soho, aethelflaedladyofmercia, and violetfaust in particular added on a lot.

**POST 1:**

i was debating whether i thought aziraphale really believed crowley might leave for alpha centauri on his own, or whether he assumed crowley was just angry and would try to come back again like he always does. or, Someone forbid, whether he might try to escape in _another_ way that aziraphale _specifically does not want_ him to do.

and i’ll always be a bit flexible on this headcanon, because really, we’re only observing the characters’ actions; there is no definitive internal narration (and even if there was, aziraphale’s probably wouldn’t be very reliable anyway).

but you know, i think i lean toward “yes, he thought crowley might really leave for the stars.”

it’s because as the Bentley is driving away, it’s driving toward that starry window. like there is absolutely no mistaking it, it looks like crowley is headed for the stars. people have noticed this before. but what i hadn’t considered before was the fact that the scene is framed as being _from aziraphale’s perspective_, with him standing still on the sidewalk as the car drives away, frames it like that’s what he’s currently thinking about.

i think the framing of that scene with the window and the way the shots cut to aziraphale is an incredibly clever way of hinting at aziraphale’s internal thoughts without having to actually do a voiceover or make him speak out loud, which he’s probably too gutted to do right now anyway.

**POST 2:**

There have been so many emotional responses to this post and truly I’ve SO enjoyed not being alone with my feelings. This is what fandom is all about.

Anyway, one more observation that occurred to me is about the bandstand argument and “Friends? We’re not friends. I don’t even like you!”

I’ve written that it’s an expression of denial, an attempt on Aziraphale’s part to resist the temptation to run away with Crowley, and I still think there is some truth to this. But more than that, I think it’s also an attempt to erase their history together.

Because here’s the thing. Crowley comes back. He puts himself in danger and he comes back.

When Aziraphale thinks Crowley has nowhere to go, he won’t let him walk away (“You can’t leave, Crowley! There’s nowhere to go.”) At this point, his only plan for protecting Crowley is trying to bring him back to Heaven. But I think when Aziraphale realizes that there is another option for Crowley - running to the stars - he’s hoping that if he can just reach into the past and tear himself out of Crowley’s life, then maybe Crowley won’t try to come back this time. And if he won’t try joining Heaven, then out in the stars is the only safe place for him.

I go back and forth on “I forgive you.” From what I see right now, Crowley has just come back, A-FUCKING-GAIN, at great personal risk, and once again extended his offer (more bluntly this time), so Aziraphale is extending his own offer again. Aziraphale is saying, “I’m not leaving Earth because I believe it can still be saved and Heaven is the only force with the power to do it. You are forgivable. You could still come with me. But I’m not leaving this world to burn.”

I think Aziraphale wanted Heaven to be the answer to saving the world partly because it would conveniently mean Crowley wouldn’t have to participate in the more dangerous proceedings. He’d be free to leave.

When Crowley drives away and that guy tells Aziraphale “You’re better off without him,” I’m pretty sure Aziraphale is thinking “No, but he’s better off without me.”


	44. *Human Agents Working Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something that I noticed and wanted to ramble about, regarding Crowley and Aziraphale's conversation in the car. You can see the original tumblr post with all the discussion here: https://ineffable-endearments.tumblr.com/post/190405791164/talea456-aethelflaedladyofmercia

In the scene in question, Aziraphale and Crowley are in the car driving back from Tadfield.

Aziraphale says, "There's something I should tell you."

Crowley glances at him, eyebrow rising, looking surprised, like he expects something.

Then Aziraphale tells him he has a bunch of trained human agents. Crowley seems disappointed but states he also has human agents. Aziraphale asks if they should work together. Crowley declines and changes the subject back to ducks, which appears to annoy Aziraphale.

I think maybe this is a very good example of the kinds of misunderstandings Crowley and Aziraphale tend to have. Their misunderstandings are not convenient coincidences; they’re based in things that are fundamental to their characters and integral to both the plot and thematic elements of the series.

Aziraphale, group-oriented (a collectivist), who always wants to be Part Of Something, who never does anything without some sort of team behind him, thinks he’s being amazingly clever. He thinks he’s got something good here.

He thinks he’s inviting Crowley to be part of a great idea. This? _This is Aziraphale inviting Crowley to his Side as he sees it on Earth._

And when Crowley refuses and goes off-topic, Aziraphale takes it as a sign that Crowley doesn’t care. Crowley comes across as distracted and dismissive to him.

Meanwhile, Crowley, individualist, lone wolf, sauntering action hero who secretively and single-handedly sweeps his angel away from the collectives that are bad for him - screaming mobs at the guillotine, treacherous Nazi organizations during the Blitz - doesn’t trust that the humans will get along.

More than that, Aziraphale’s focus on the human agents after starting out with “There’s something I should tell you” makes it seem to Crowley like Aziraphale is the distracted one! It makes it seem like he’s not focused on saving their relationship.

Here, both of them are getting their hopes up, then immediately feeling rejected when the other brings up the “wrong” subject in response. It’s no wonder there’s such a disconnect between them when Aziraphale finds Agnes Nutter’s book!

Oh, and that’s not it. This pattern will repeat at the bandstand.

The miscommunication will only be resolved when Aziraphale figures out, shakily, that it’s okay to act outside the group sometimes, and when Crowley figures out, shakily, that it’s okay to have faith in people sometimes.


	45. On the Tadfield bench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick response to a Tumblr discussion about Aziraphale saying "I don't think my side would like that" at the Tadfield bus stop.

people have pointed out, correctly, that this is aziraphale struggling to catch up with his new reality, now that he's defied heaven. and i really think that's true.

i can’t drop the thought that this is also a bit of protectiveness.

like. i’m sure aziraphale’s still processing his new reality. but part of his reality - their mutual reality - has always been the safety dimension of things, and it’s never been about JUST him; it’s been about crowley, too, and how no matter what else was going on, getting caught together was always going to make crowley’s problems worse.

aziraphale has always had to worry about heaven for his own sake but even if he’d rebelled, even if he’d decided he didn’t care about heaven’s opinion and didn’t mind risking his own life, they’d still be fucked, because crowley would STILL be in danger from both sides. as far as aziraphale knew, there was absolutely no way around this. if he’d ever openly accepted that heaven is actually wrong about a lot of things, they’d just be in the same amount of danger while also bringing a lot of anger and grief to the surface.

at this point in the story, aziraphale was just reminded forcefully that heaven really and truly gets off on smiting enemies. i think that was the purpose of the angels’ speech to him the first time he hinted that he wanted them to intervene with the antichrist - “when your cause is just, you do not hesitate to smite the foe.” “we all love a good smiting.” i suspect being reminded of this new reality has also reminded him of what the archangels are going to do to crowley if they catch them together.

so he reminds crowley of that, too.

add to this the fact that technically, crowley still has a chance to flee from hell, and i think aziraphale feels obligated to protest. not because he wants to, but because he still thinks that he’s dangerous company. the thing that seems to clinch aziraphale’s decision to go with crowley is the way crowley brings up the prophecy; i think that’s what makes him believe there might genuinely be a way out of this that doesn’t involve both of them getting murdered.


	46. First offence and everything

Tumblr user joan-daardvark [pointed out](https://joan-daardvark.tumblr.com/post/190448828332/theres-something-that-has-always-been-in-the-back) that Crowley asking Aziraphale if he thought the punishment for Adam and Eve getting kicked out of the garden was proportionate is a way of Crowley asking Aziraphale if he thinks the Fall was acceptable.

The response he got?

“It’s best not to question.”

It is advice that comes too late, because that’s exactly what Crowley was cast out for! (Or so he strongly believes. We don’t get anything compelling that would suggest his belief is wrong.)

Depending on which version you’re looking at, Aziraphale might go on to add that if you’re told to do Right and you do Wrong, you deserve to be punished.

Whoa, how condescending! Except…by admitting he gave away the flaming sword, Aziraphale tips his hand. Crowley now knows Aziraphale doesn’t **really** believe Adam and Eve deserved to suffer, at least not in any way that even remotely resembles the severity of God’s punishment. But instead of questioning God’s plan - it’s best not to question - Aziraphale just does what he’s compelled to do.

By reassuring Aziraphale that angels **can’t** do the wrong thing (and it’s sarcasm, but Aziraphale does not notice), Crowley might be inadvertently reassuring Aziraphale that his gesture of compassion must have been part of the Great Plan, which in turn would reassure Aziraphale that the Great Plan as a whole is kinder than it looks at first glance.

From this interaction, I think we can extrapolate that Crowley believes maybe Aziraphale…doesn’t agree with God about casting out Her fallen angels, either, and that’s what he was so delighted about. As for Aziraphale, I think he’s hoping this will all culminate in something better someday.


	47. *Crowley's chain necklace

Crowley wears a chain necklace, which is usually hidden under his clothes but gets revealed during moments of emotional gravity (like when he’s begging Aziraphale to run away with him or when he falls to the ground in pain while Satan is erupting from the Earth).

I think it’s a visual reminder for the audience, and maybe for Crowley too, that this connection to Hell he has is supposed to be indelible. He is chained, like an animal caught in a trap.

And he will chew off pieces of himself if necessary in an effort to get away. To me, that’s what running away really means; the world is a part of him, a trapped limb, and although it will be brutally painful, he will chew through his own flesh and bone if necessary to survive. (Or, more accurately, to keep the soul of his connection to this world alive - and that’s Aziraphale.)


	48. Crowley's hair is shaped like a flame

I knew how hard the costumers and makeup artists and the rest of the crew worked on Good Omens, but somehow it didn’t really set in until yesterday that Aziraphale and Crowley’s hair is _literally_ shaped to look like clouds and like a flame.

I guess I thought of it as a more abstract thing? Like that they would be vaguely ethereal and fiery.

But no…if you take a drawing program and try to trace outlines of their hair (during Armageddon times), it will come out looking like cartoon images of a cloud and a flame.

Got me thinking about how like Crowley is literally an image of a flame and Aziraphale theoretically was supposed to wield a flaming sword.

BUT

Crowley’s story role is to _question_ and Aziraphale’s _actual_ weapon/defense mechanism of choice is words, and well-placed…_questions_ (“but is that the Ineffable Plan?”).

So like, by giving away the sword to the humans who the serpent had tempted, and then explaining his reasons to said serpent, Aziraphale was initiating the choice between war/violence and communication; he’d tentatively chosen communication. In fact, he’d put down the weapon Heaven gave him and picked up the weapon Crowley gave him.

But there was always that question hanging over his head. “Didn’t you have a flaming sword?”

It’s at Tadfield airbase when he finally, once and for all, consciously chooses communication. He could try threatening Crowley with that Heavenly sword, but it’s not his weapon of choice. “Come up with something, or…or I’m never going to talk to you again.” In doing this, Aziraphale is both “threatening” Crowley in a manner of speaking and choosing Crowley’s side; he’s choosing of his own free will to do what Crowley has influenced him to do (use words and logic), rather than what Heaven would have him do (go to war). And he’s asking Crowley to do what Aziraphale did in the garden of Eden - to just pick something and hope for the best.

In Eden, Aziraphale was the one acting on impulse. He just gave away his sword without questioning anything while Crowley taught the humans to question. Now Aziraphale is the one questioning while Crowley is the one acting on impulse.

And then, evoking Eden more clearly, Crowley bubbles them into a landscape of sand dunes like the ones Adam and Eve disappeared into. They revisit that moment at the Beginning.

People have observed that Crowley doesn’t change much, which I sort of understand but also don’t one hundred percent agree with. Crowley’s development journey is less extreme than Aziraphale’s. He’s always been more comfortable going against the grain, after all; I don’t think he has to reshape his entire notion of who he is. But in this moment, Crowley DOES do something different, and he does show growth. He gives up control. He gives control over to Adam. He puts his faith in humanity. And he didn’t do that before; I think it’s why he ideally wanted to stay here on Earth but didn’t believe it was going to survive Armageddon.

Aziraphale dumps the literal flaming sword that Heaven gave him to keep the humans out of Eden and picks up the metaphorical flaming sword that is Crowley’s rhetoric to defend their new Eden from Heaven and Hell. Meanwhile, Crowley dumps the doubt he’s been wielding since the beginning and instead picks up Aziraphale’s sense of faith, the faith that even if he personally can’t figure out a solution, Adam can - by extension, they can all figure out the future together. The faith that if he just keeps trying, it will all work out.

(Notice how Crowley’s demeanor changes when he realizes what Adam did, how happy he is, how sure of himself he seems on the bench in Tadfield; he doesn’t really seem to have a plan yet for dealing with their impending punishments, but he seems to genuinely believe they can make things work out.)

So anyway. That hair. Whew. Crowley’s is shaped like a flame.


	49. *Suicide pill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of suicide and generally self harmful behavior in this essay.

Hmm. I feel like we sometimes forget the implications of the phrase “suicide pill.” It’s a term that hadn’t been invented by the time 1862 rolled around, it would be invented in WWII. So to me, this makes the phrasing more important. That phrase is used for a reason, because it carries unique implications that there simply isn’t another expression for.

And the typical use/association of the concept of “suicide pills”? _Spying_. Spies who were afraid they might get caught and tortured or who might get caught and reveal State secrets. Generally, you don’t carry a suicide pill because you actually wish to die; you carry one because you’re doing a job that might land you a fate worse than death. You’re willing to die with minimal suffering if absolutely necessary…but the ideal situation is to never have to use that pill.

That, to Aziraphale, is what Crowley is expressing by asking for the “suicide pill.” He’s saying he’s willing to risk death to maintain the Arrangement.

Moreover, when Crowley corrects this notion, possibly implying he’s planning to use it as a weapon instead, Aziraphale STILL doesn’t want Crowley to have it. It’s an actively dangerous substance; imagine a friend telling you they’d like some napalm to just store in their home, just in case they ever had a hostile break-in. You’d probably worry about them having a substance like that around _at all_, right? But you’d also probably think it was best if they’d stop doing the kinds of things that required a weapon like that in the first place, too.

And this is where the breakup comes from: Aziraphale thinks he’s a dangerous influence. He thinks he’s causing Crowley to get careless and it’s better to just not be friends if that’s what’s going to happen. It’s the same story at the bandstand; Aziraphale knows Heaven is dangerous to Crowley but thinks they can be prevailed upon to save Earth, so when Crowley won’t promise to play nice and make up with Heaven, AND Aziraphale realizes Crowley has somewhere else to go, he removes himself from the situation, just like he did in 1862.

I forgot where I was going with this but TL;DR I don’t believe Aziraphale thinks Crowley is actively suicidal. I think he believes Crowley is _reckless _(which I wrote about [here](https://ineffable-endearments.tumblr.com/post/189760395654/the-really-intense-thing-about-you-go-too-fast)).

* * *

I’d go as far as to say that the holy water is a metaphor for Aziraphale himself. A lot of people have cited that the tartan thermos is indicative of this and I really have to agree.

By giving the holy water to Crowley, he’s giving over a part of himself. He thinks it’s dangerous. He doesn’t want Crowley to be exposed to it.

But the holy water saves Crowley from Ligur and buys him time to get away from Hastur.

Then Aziraphale quite literally gives his whole self over to Crowley during the body swap. He thinks it’s dangerous, but realizes neither of them has anything left to lose by giving it a try.

And the body swap saves Crowley from all of Heaven and Hell.


	50. *Two questions and a connection between 1967 and 2007

There are two questions I’ve seen people ask that I think are more closely related than they first appear:

“Did Crowley intentionally orchestrate the 1967 holy water incident so that Aziraphale would find out about it?”

and

“Why didn’t Crowley use his own life and/or their relationship to appeal to Aziraphale about saving Earth?”

As far as 1967, upon rewatching, Crowley seems genuinely surprised by Aziraphale’s help. It’s not something I think we can ever be 100% sure about, but at most, he might have sort of had the bitter thought that Aziraphale should know what he’s doing because he’s still a bit hurt about 1862. Sort of like, “pffft, stuck up angel who thinks of our relationship as a bad thing (‘fraternizing’), that would show him.” But unlike the 1793 Bastille incident (and there are close parallels to 1967 in that conversation!), their conversation this time around doesn’t indicate to me that either character was playing a game the other was supposed to find out about. We also get the line “Really? After everything you said?” which to me indicates that Crowley is surprised that his pursuit of the holy water had this strong an effect on Aziraphale. I think Crowley had recognized before that Aziraphale had a soft spot for him, but I don’t think he knew it went beyond Heaven.

So here comes Armageddon.

The thing about Crowley is…he cares about free will. It set him apart from Heaven, and it sets him apart from Hell, too. Perhaps it’s a self-indulgent philosophical interest, but it is genuine. Notice how all his “temptations” just involve laying out an opportunity to be Bad and letting people take it or leave it. He never, ever affects anyone’s mind like Hastur and Ligur do. The only time he even remotely gets near doing such a thing is freezing Sister Mary at the former convent, and in that case, he doesn’t alter anything in her head, I don’t think; he’s just in survival mode, looking for information and possibly trying to keep her from spreading any information that would endanger him.

I think Crowley genuinely wants to save the world and knows he can’t do it on his own. And he wants to persuade Aziraphale to help him. I do not think he wants to manipulate Aziraphale, to force him to do something he doesn’t deep-down want all along. And I think now that the 1967 incident has happened, he knows that turning it into a plea for his own life (“if your side wins, they’ll kill me; if my side wins, they’ll kill you and I’ll be miserable for eternity”) would be something Aziraphale would feel he couldn’t say “no” to. It wouldn’t be a persuasive argument - it would straight-up violate free will. It would result in either Aziraphale trying to get Crowley to come back to Heaven (not possible, not desirable, although it DOES happen later anyway LOL), Aziraphale helping Crowley but feeling terrible about it the whole entire time (a relationship of pure coercion), or Aziraphale panicking and ending the relationship because he can’t make that sort of decision out of the blue. So Crowley sticks with arguments that will be enticing if Aziraphale cares enough, but that ultimately don’t put him in an uncomfortable position if he decides he doesn’t want to go along with it (though Crowley is sure it’s what Aziraphale will want to do).

(As for Aziraphale, I think this whole time he’s fantasizing that either Crowley is going to see the light and come back to Heaven or Heaven’s win is going to usher in an age of mercy that will benefit both of them. “You go too fast for me” when he knows the world is bound to end might partially mean “don’t take these risks until you’re in a position where Heaven can protect you.” But that’s its own loooooong essay.)

TL;DR I don’t think Crowley purposefully orchestrated the whole holy water caper with the intention of Aziraphale finding out, though I do think he might have had some spiteful thoughts about it. I think Crowley was surprised by how much of Aziraphale’s concern was actually for him, not Heaven. And I think Crowley decided that using his own life as leverage was off-limits.


	51. *Faith and coping methods

people like to talk about aziraphale not wanting to face the fact that heaven is morally problematic at BEST, which is absolutely the truth

but what…like…what…exactly…would he do with this information if he fully admitted it to himself?

defense mechanisms exist for a reason. they don’t just cover up things that are A Little Difficult, they cover up things that are devastating.

so considering:

  * aziraphale knows what heaven does to people who don’t obey (he’s witnessed how they treat humans who god supposedly doesn’t like, how they treat the fallen, and he’s verbally acknowledged it when talking to sandalphon - he hasn’t forgotten All The Smiting).
  * aziraphale is pretty much heaven’s captive. it seems they can just pop into existence wherever he is at any time. and at least a good chunk of the time, they appear to have records of what he’s doing, too. and he’s an angel. he has power, he has political clout, he has an effect on the heaven/hell balance, they wouldn’t just let him go do his own thing.
  * heaven supposedly has the power of god on their side and is supposedly all-powerful; they can definitely force anything to happen that they want to happen - if aziraphale tried to interfere in their plans, they’d just reassign him or worse and then carry through with the same plans; as far as aziraphale knows, open resistance is futile.

until the end of the series, the options are:

  * admit heaven is terrible and has no real Great Plan. be stuck in it anyway. grow increasingly depressed and despondent at being a cog in an evil machine. (in humans, this usually causes people to become bitter, cynical, and extremely selfish, and i believe it’s what happened to most of the demons of hell. if aziraphale made this choice early on, he probably wouldn’t have kept his earthly assignment for so long and probably would never have befriended crowley.)
  * leave…earth…maaaybe? it doesn’t sound like aziraphale had ever thought of that possibility. i’m not sure if heaven would let him leave earth the way crowley thinks they would. but even if that was an option and aziraphale knew about it the whole time…that wouldn’t actually help anyone. aziraphale and crowley wouldn’t have their beloved world, and earth would still be left to heaven’s mercy, only this time, the only two supernatural beings who cared about it wouldn’t be there.
  * obey heaven while bending the rules as much as possible to try and make it more tolerable. desperately nurse the hope that the ultimate power in the universe has better things in mind than war, to help you carry on with your life. this is, unsurprisingly, the path that aziraphale chose.

it’s only when he realized this hope could never come true that aziraphale decided to act against heaven, and he did that knowing it might have been a self-destructive move. it’s a move that he could have only made at the moment of Armageddon, because it was the only time when a self-sacrifice would make any sense.

there’s a big difference between getting yourself in so much trouble that you get torn away from the world when it’s got thousands of years of development ahead of it, and getting yourself in trouble to try to snatch a chance at any future at all for it.

* * *

maybe the main difference between aziraphale’s and crowley’s equally-problematic coping methods is that aziraphale has cultivated an absurdly strong sense of faith out of necessity while crowley has cultivated a deep, deep cynicism out of equal necessity.

losing faith in heaven would make existence quite literally unbearable. i wrote about it earlier but basically i don’t think aziraphale could stay on earth if he didn’t believe heaven had something good in store for it. and if he can turn that power to crowley’s benefit, too, why in creation wouldn’t he? obviously there are better solutions, but when the chips are down, where else is he really going to turn than the place he KNOWS has the power to help, and the place he’s been hoping for six thousand years also has the _will_ to help?

and trusting and believing in people, or the inherent goodness of…anything? how exactly is a demon supposed to do that and survive? hell has eternal torture in store for demons who don’t do their jobs. and the job of a demon is to make people evil. crowley pushes the envelope enough as it is by respecting free will so much. he’s been taught that god is cruel - she’s been very cruel to him, personally, so he would know - and he’s watched people fall for his temptations over and over again. what is he supposed to believe? how is he supposed to believe that god somehow is going to step in and save the world? how is he supposed to believe that humans could band together and save the world?

so at the end when aziraphale suggests leaning heavily into heaven and crowley suggests running away to the stars, they’re both wrong, but they’re also both doing exactly the thing they fully 100% believe they HAVE to do. aziraphale doesn’t think he’s rejecting crowley, he thinks he’s embracing him, both seeing his true potential and trying to keep him alive. crowley doesn’t think he’s “abandoning” the world, he thinks he’s accepting reality and escaping an unavoidable disaster before he and aziraphale get dragged down with it.

in conclusion, they’re both so wrong and i love them so much and they both equally needed to learn to have faith in humanity/themselves over heaven and hell, but i don’t think you can just expect them or any being to just generate that knowledge out of nowhere; it’s something that must be figured out.


	52. *Interpretive translation of the bandstand breakup

**A: “It’s the Great Plan, Crowley.”** = “This is much bigger than the two of us, and whatever happens is inevitable. I want us to plan for that.”

**C: “For the record, great pustulent mangled bollocks to the Great Blasted Plan!”** = “Oh yeah? Well it SUCKS. Everything is cruel. I don’t want to obey.”

**A: “May you be forgiven!”** = “I really want you to find a good place in all this, and I wish you wouldn’t tempt fate with these curses. They might be listening.”

**C: “I won’t be forgiven. Not ever. That’s part of a demon’s job description. Unforgivable. That’s what I am.”** = “I’m a scapegoat. That’s my whole role in the universe. Heaven has decided there’s nothing else to me, and you know what? I embrace it. I don’t need approval from people like that.”

**A: “You were an angel once.”** = “But no, scapegoating is not what you were made for. Not originally. Maybe you could be an angel again. (Please, for me, try. I’m an angel, you know.)”

**C: “That was a long time ago. We find the boy. My agents can do it…”** = “I’m telling you, I really don’t want to be an angel. But listen, we can still change the plan. We can have it all.”

**A: “And then what? We eliminate him?”** = “You’re changing the subject away from Heaven and I don’t like it because I was trying to make a point. But sure. Let’s go down that road. Now our only option is killing the boy, which neither of us wants to do.”

**C: “Well…somebody does. I’m not personally up for killing kids.”** = “I don’t see any way around it. It kind of seems like it has to happen. I can’t do it, but you have justified it when God did it in the past…”

**A: “You’re a demon. I’m the nice one. I don’t have to kill children.”** = “You just peeled this conversation away from my alternative, rejoining Heaven. If you want to stay a demon so badly then accept what that really means. You’re choosing the side that does the bad things.”

**C: “Uh huh.”** = “Heaven has no real moral superiority. Nothing about their morality ‘really means’ anything. Look at all the horrible things they did in the past.”

**A: “If you kill him, the world gets a reprieve and Heaven won’t have blood on its hands.”** = “God decided we have a good side and a bad side. You’re saying you’d rather stick with the bad side, so it’s your job to do the bad thing. Weren’t you just embracing your unforgivability? Are you saying you _don’t_ want to be on Hell’s side?”

_(Note that here, Aziraphale is tipping his hand a little - by saying “Heaven won’t have blood on its hands” if Crowley kills the Antichrist, he’s implying that he thinks Heaven **will** kill the Antichrist if they have to. And indeed, that is his whole plan. It was his plan when he talked to the Archangels before arriving here at the bandstand, and it’s still his plan when he leaves and talks to Gabriel. This argument is definitely NOT about keeping Heaven’s hands clean. Heaven’s hands haven’t been clean since the Beginning. For those reasons, I believe Aziraphale is not actually attempting to convince Crowley to kill Adam - I think this is instead an attempt at convincing Crowley it would be better to come back to Heaven and hope he either takes the hint or outright changes his mind. Of course, Aziraphale can’t say that plan outright, because that would be dangerous for both of them.)_

**C: “No blood on your hands? That’s a bit holier than thou, isn’t it?”** = “So you’re saying you’re inherently better than me and that’s why I’m supposed to take on the dirty work, including things I’m horribly uncomfortable with?!”

**A: “I’m a great deal holier than thou. That’s the whole point.”** = “This good and evil stuff is decided by God. It’s FORCED on us. We can’t DO anything about it, except obey. If you came over to Heaven’s side you wouldn’t even have to worry about it.”

**C: “Then you should kill the boy yourself. Holi-ly.”** = “If everything you choose to do is good by default, then just kill the Antichrist. It inherently doesn’t mean anything for your moral standing. It’s already right.”

**A: “I’m not killing _anybo_****_dy_.”** = “This is not about my actual, personal moral beliefs. This is about what I’m trying to orchestrate with the powers that be. And incidentally, i’m trying to orchestrate it so that nobody is asking me to kill YOU.”

**C: “This is ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m even talking to you.”** = “Aziraphale, it’s really fucked up that you would ask me to bend the knee like this to your creepy angel cult. I can’t believe after everything, you still believe in them.”

**A: “Frankly, neither do I.”** = “So then why are you bothering with me at all?”

**C: “Enough. I’m leaving.”** = “I thought you were going to actually help, but if you won’t, if you’re still this stuck on Heaven, then there’s no point to us talking.”

**A: “You can’t leave, Crowley. There’s nowhere to go.”** = “Wait! Neither of us has any other option! You have to come with me, or Hell will punish you!”

**C: “Big universe. Even if all this ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we could go off together.”** = “Actually, we do have an option. We could just leave this war behind. We could choose each other over Heaven and Hell, and we could choose to escape no matter what happens to Earth.”

_A love confession._

**A: “‘Go off…together’? Listen to yourself.”** = “Wait…what? I suppose you do have another option, then. But you’re confessing this now? When you want me to leave Earth? I can’t.”

**C: “How long have we been friends? Six thousand years?”** = “We both know we’re each other’s most important people.”

**A: “Friends? We aren’t friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing in common. I don’t even like you.”** = “We were fated to be mortal enemies from the start. Now you want me to give up the Earth, our one common ground, the one thing that brought us together, the place where we became “us”? I can’t leave…you said we were going to be godfathers. For my own sake, for the Earth’s sake, I need to believe I can let you go. For your sake, you need to go without me.”

**C: “You do.”** = “I know you’re posturing. You care about me deeply. You care about what we’ve got. Choose me or don’t, but please don’t put conditions on it.”

**A: “Even if I knew where the Antichrist was, I wouldn’t tell you! We are on opposite sides!”** = “Fine. You got me. I adore you. But the only plan I can think of is to go to Heaven for help with saving the Earth. And the Earth was ‘our side’ until you just decided it wasn’t. It would be dangerous for both of us if you got involved with the Antichrist while I’m trying to lead Heaven to him.”

**C: “We’re on our side.”** = “You care more about what we have than about Heaven. It’s always been the two of us versus Heaven and Hell. I know it. And you trust me more than you trust Heaven, too.”

**A: “There is no our side. Not anymore. It’s over.”** = “Yes, but I can’t leave the world to its destruction. Protecting the Earth is as important to me as defying Heaven is important to you. So we can’t help each other. We’re a danger to each other. I am severing our ties.”

**C: “Have a nice doomsday.”** = “Fine then. But Heaven is going to disappoint you. I’m hurt. I don’t understand how you could believe Heaven is going to be the key to saving the world after all of our experiences with them. I’m overwhelmed and I can’t keep having this argument.”

* * *

Response to krakensdottir:

I don’t think Crowley is refusing merely out of pride. I interpret that Aziraphale believes it might be an option and Crowley already knows it isn’t, which is why he’s so frustrated (and hurt, yes).

User inconvenientdiscorporation mentioned the scene in the script book where Crowley mentions the possibility of asylum with Heaven:

But you know, I read Crowley’s “do you think your side would give me refuge” as a rhetorical, perhaps sarcastic, question.

Remember, it comes in the middle of a convo when they’re trying to decide what to do with the Antichrist, and Aziraphale is balking at killing him and doesn’t have any other ideas. I think in that context, Crowley isn’t saying he WANTS to join Heaven; he was presenting a question that he thought had an obvious answer (“no”). It was like Crowley saying “I know killing the kid would suck but literally what else is there? What, like we’re gonna join the same side?”

But Aziraphale, for whom hope springs eternal, thought “oh hmm maybe we SHOULD try that.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Meta] Response to "Good Omens Analysis and Feelings: Psycho-philosophy" by chaoticlivi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25220275) by [Readertee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readertee/pseuds/Readertee)


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